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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672955">I Can't Say I Love You and Mean It</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessions123/pseuds/obsessions123'>obsessions123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Canon Divergence, Choking, Come For the Plot Stay For the Porn, Come for the porn stay for the plot, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Force Choking (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Training (Star Wars), Love, Love Confessions, Master &amp; Padawan Relationship(s), Midi-chlorians (Star Wars), Minor Injuries, More plot than porn, Oral Fixation, Padawan Reader (Star Wars), Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Roughness, Shameless Smut, Slave Trade, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, reader used to be a slave, watch me make up a bunch of stuff about the force</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 01:27:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27672955</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessions123/pseuds/obsessions123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You are Anakin Skywalker's Padawan.  The two of you are very close, and you are nearing the end of your training.  You have been fighting feelings for him ever since you had been placed as his Padawan a few years ago.  But what happens when it turns out he has feelings for you too?  The two of you agree to indulge in your mutual infatuation, while pledging to never become attached to one another in order to stay in compliance with the Jedi Order.  Things are never that easy though, are they?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Reader, Anakin Skywalker &amp; You, Anakin Skywalker/Reader, Anakin Skywalker/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>219</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Assignment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Both Reader and Anakin are similar ages so I promise it's not weird.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“And how do you plan on getting us out of this one, Master?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh you know, a little of this a little of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here I was beginning to think you didn’t have this all under control.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have faith my Padawan, have faith.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You rolled your eyes and smiled at him.  The two of you were currently being held in a Separatist ship, both of you in a cell together.  The metal binders that were holding your hands together in front of you were digging into your skin, pinching it.  It wasn’t painful, it was making you more annoyed than anything else.  You were looking through the bars into the hall and he was sitting behind you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was quite typical for the two of you.  You would have a plan that looked good on holograms, but when it came down to executing it, it never went the way it was supposed to.  Nonetheless, things always seemed to work out in the end.  That being you’d live to fight another day, not necessarily that you were always successful in completing whatever mission you two had been tasked to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The halls were empty, save for a few battle droids marching by occasionally, never paying the two of you any mind.  You could hear the faint sounds of blaster fire coming throughout the ship.  The two of you should be on the bridge by now, taking the whole thing down and capturing General Grievous, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> been the plan after all.  Feigning surrender to get on the ship had been the plan, actually getting captured and taken into a cell was not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were beginning to feel antsy, worried that your troops were dwindling without you and your Master’s help.  You were worried the ship would take off at any moment and then you and him would be really trapped.  Not to mention the fact that General Grievous could be getting away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked behind you to see if Anakin was thinking of anything, or at least seemed to be thinking, but instead he was just resting against the metal slab attached to the wall that was supposed to be a bed, looking completely at ease and in no hurry to do anything.  He looked like he was just, waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Comfortable, Master?” you asked him sarcastically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what, I am.” he said, leaning back and putting his arms behind his head.  “Could use a better pillow.”  You rolled your eyes at him again and turned back towards the hallway.  Two droids went running down the corridor, blasters in hand, no doubt heading towards the battle.  You wanted out of this cell, to slice them down with your lightsaber that they had taken and help your troopers.  You felt so helpless here.  You yelled in frustration and banged your binders against the metal bars keeping you trapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something wrong?” Anakin asked, sitting up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes something is wrong!” you turned, yelling at him animatedly.  “We are just standing here while there are men laying down their lives!  We have to break out of here and help them!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Relax,” he walked towards you.  “It’s all part of the plan.” he said, with far too much pep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was not,” you said, chest rising and falling quickly. “Part of the plan.”  He walked past you and looked towards the hallway where you had been looking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want to leave so badly,” he turned towards you.  “Then leave.” you scoffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I could leave I would!” you threw your bound wrists in his face.  “That is the problem!  We can’t!”  He looked at you for a moment, then sighed.  He carefully pushed your arms down and out of his face.  His calm and almost disappointed demeanor confused you.  He looked down and shook his head slowly, sighing again.  You just looked at him, not sure what he was expecting you to do.  He turned back towards the hallway and waited, a look of concentration washing over his face.  You heard the routine sound of droids clanking down the hall as they patrolled the area.  You watched your Master reach his hands out and one of the droids made a sound of surprise as they were lifted into the air and began floating towards your cell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, what the-” the droid’s mechanical voice was cut off.  Once the droid had reached the cell door, Anakin reached his arms through the bars and grabbed ahold of the droid's arm, ripping it right out of the joint.  The body of the droid fell to the ground in a loud clunk while he held onto the arm.  He twisted something around inside it and out through the palm of the droid’s hand came a key.  Anakin moved towards the lock, sticking it inside the mechanism and twisted.  Once you realized you had just been standing there, you moved towards the cell door in front of him, keeping watch while he worked to unlock the door.  You heard the click of the door unlocking and he pushed it open.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held the door open and motioned you towards him.  He grabbed your wrists and pulled them closer to him, using the droid’s key to undo your binders.  They clanked to the floor and you rubbed your sore wrists, looking up at him through your lashes, feeling guilty.  He handed you the droid’s arm and you undid his own binders, dropping them to the floor along with the droid’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slid out through the opening and you were right behind him.  The two of you silently clung to the walls as you moved, allowing him to lead the way, your confidence completely diminished by his display of ingenuity.  You felt that familiar pang of unworthiness that your Master so often unknowingly made you feel.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knew he was a powerful Jedi, but what was worse was that he was just as smart and brave as he was powerful in the Force.  You tried to push those negative feelings down and tried to replace them with gratefulness.  You needed to be grateful and not self-loathing that he is your teacher.  Grateful that you have such a powerful and knowledgeable teacher and not so hard on yourself for not being as powerful and knowledgeable as him.  The whole point of this anyways was to get you to be like him.  You constantly had to remind yourself that you are still in training.  Someday though, you hoped you could make him proud.  So far, you seem to bring nothing but disappointment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You followed him through the halls, submitting to his superior knowledge and not wanting to argue or be overbearing with your presence after you so clearly failed.  You knew he was going to have a talk with you when this whole thing was over and you were not looking forward to it.  Somehow it made you wish you were back in the cell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He motioned for you to stop and the two of you slammed against the wall.  Your breathing picked up slightly, but you made yourself become calm and mindful of your surroundings, making your breathing slow to a normal pace as you became more focused on escaping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin motioned for you to peek around the corner as he had.  Keeping as close to the wall as you could, you leant over, past his body and just far enough to see around the wall.  It was the bridge, General Grievous was standing there and both your lightsabers were on a console, unguarded behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pressed your back flat against the wall after you had gotten a good look.  You looked up towards your Master and he was looking down at you, trying to communicate without making a sound what he wanted the two of you to do.  You could never be certain, but you assumed you knew what he was trying to say.  You nodded at him quickly and his attention turned towards Grievous again.  You sucked in a deep breath in preparation and jumped the second he moved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you flew around the corner, quickly calling your lightsabers and igniting them.  In the time it took Grievous to turn around, the two of you already destroyed the few droids that were on the bridge with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“General Skywalker,” the robotic creature greeted.  “What a pleasure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s over Grievous.” Anakin sneered, gripping his saber tighter in his hands.  “Surrender now.”  Grievous didn’t address you.  They don’t normally address you.  They didn’t see you as a threat.  You wished you could change that, wished you’d have enough respect for them to even address you.  You were holding a damn lightsaber for Forcesake.  You narrowed your eyes at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grievous laughed, causing him to go into a fit of coughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” he said finally.  “How can I surrender when it’s only just beginning.”  He shrugged his large cape off and reached for his hips, grabbing and igniting two lightsabers, one for each metal claw.  You grit your teeth, preparing for a fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as you were about to pounce on the General, a large explosion lurched the ship, making the three of you lose your balance.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grievous made the first move lunging a saber in your direction and you easily blocked it.  Anakin joined in, both of you using your familiarity with one another to your advantage against the General; knowing the other’s moves and fighting style helped in the combined effort.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You flipped over Grievous, moving into the offensive now as Anakin used your distraction to thrust a saber towards his head.  He blocked it, and your swing, using both his sabers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you’ve got yourself a pet, General Skywalker.” Grievous spoke after he had pushed the two of you back.  His artificial strength was not to be denied.  “She seems a little inexperienced to be a Jedi.” he taunted.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lunged towards him with a yell, jumping into the air and using your saber against his as a launch pad, flying through the air and coming back down on the other side of him again.  Catching him off guard, you managed to chop off one of his talons, making him lose balance and fall to the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find I’ve plenty of experience.”  you snarled.  Grievous wasted no time in trying to escape as he extinguished his sabers and clacked through the bridge on all fours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Close the doors!” Anakin yelled at you.  You reached your hand out towards the control panel, using the force to hit the button for the hatch.  It was too late however,  Grievous was able to slip under the door before it could close, leaving you and Anakin alone on the bridge.  You reached for the button again, opening the hatch so the two of you could chase after him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you sprinted down the halls, following the sound of clanking metal.  As you rounded one corner, the two of you were met with a company of battle droids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blast them!” one of them yelled.  You and Anakin ignited your sabers, blocking and deflecting all the blasts.  You used some of the deflections and aimed them towards droids, destroying them.  While others you took care of by slicing them with your saber, your preferred method.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s getting away Master!” you called to Anakin over the commotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m on it!” he yelled back, jumping on top of one of the super battle droids, poking a hold in it with his lightsaber, and jumping off it and over the rest of the droids, running in the direction of the fleeing General.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grit your teeth, focusing harder on the fight at hand.  You used the force to grab the last super battle droid, dragging it across two battle droids, destroying all three of them in one sweep.  You swung your saber in front of you, destroying the last two battle droids.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You took a breath, looking around you at all the destroyed droids, then took off towards the General and your Master.  As you ran you reached for your comms, trying to get ahold of Anakin to let him know you were on the way, when you realized you had never gotten your communicators back when you had been apprehended.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.” you said to yourself, picking up your speed in the direction you hoped they were headed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you rounded a corner you nearly rammed into your Master.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grievous left on an escape pod , but we have to get off this ship, he’s rigged it to blow.” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” you yelled, running to get caught up next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have to get off this ship!” he yelled back.  You narrowed your eyes and ran as fast as you could, just barely keeping up with your Master’s long legs and big strides.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you came up on the hangar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This’ll have to do.” he said, grabbing your arm and pulling you towards it.  You could see through the hangar shields that the ship was beginning to take off, trying to trap the two of you on it.  He didn’t slow his pace so neither did you.  You followed him, sprinting towards the large opening to your escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master?” you yelled, unsure of what it looked like you were about to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on!” he yelled.  The two of you reached the opening and jumped at the same time.  Anakin grabbed you in mid air as you began to plummet towards the ground.  He held you close to his body as you closed your eyes and buried your face in his chest.  Your back was facing the ground and your front was pressed up tightly against his.  You felt a sudden rush as your speed of descent suddenly slowed and the two of you, rather ungracefully, flopped into the dirt.  He rolled off of you and you got your bearings, catching your breath as you laid on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, we’ve got to move!” your Master yelled.  Just as he said that, the ship above you exploded and in seconds the debris would be crushing you.  He grabbed your arm once again, dragging you to your feet as the two of you began sprinting to safety once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dodging the falling ship, the two of you noticed a small natural overhang in the side of one of the mountains.  You both started heading towards it, noting the large object’s shadow over you getting bigger.  The two of you jumped under it just in time.  A huge piece of the ship landed on top of the overhand, making it rumble above you but not budge.  The two of you were lucky that the piece of the ship was shaped in such a way that it left room for light to creep in and for the two of you to leave when the sky stopped raining Separatist cruiser.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were finally able to catch your breath, protected by the mountain and your Master.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” you finally said.  “We made it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Grievous got away.” Anakin said, clenching his fist.  You put a hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry Master,” you said.  “We’ll get him.”  He smiled lazily at you and shrugged your hand off his shoulder.  “Let’s get out of here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of you were walking back to the base in awkward silence.  Well, you didn’t know if it was awkward for him, but it sure as hell was awkward for you.  Your lack of vision in the prison was embarrassing.  It was obvious you were distracted and antsy and you weren’t thinking properly.  Clearly he was falling back to test you, to see if you could clear your mind and think of a way out.  Ultimately, you had failed, getting angry and frustrated and yelling at him rather than taking a breath and realizing your escape had been marching past you the entire time you were in there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed.  “I’m sorry, Master.” you said, looking towards the ground in submission.  “I let my emotions get the better of me in the cell and I lashed out on you rather than seeing what was right in front of me.”  You finished your apology, inwardly cringing as you heard him sigh, preparing yourself for the lecture.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” he said finally.  Your eyes widened and you looked up at him, a surprised look on your face.  “I was much like you when Ifirst started training too.  I’ve learned better since then, through Obi-Wan’s teachings.  But I get the feeling that’s probably why they put you with me.” he smiled down at you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and bringing you closer to his body.  You smiled at him, a slight blush tinging the tops of your cheeks.  “Seems to me like they’re trying to show what Obi-Wan has been dealing with all these years in training me.” he shook his head.  “Poor guy.” he joked.  You laughed at him.  “But in all seriousness,” he let go of you.  “I trust you’ve learned your lesson?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded quickly.  “Yes, Master.  I have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked up at him and smiled, and he looked down at you to do the same.  He really was a handsome man, there was no getting around that.  Any creature with eyes would agree that he was an incredibly attractive specimen.  Sometimes, in times like this, where there was so much commotion you’d look up at him and forget this, staring at him for too long as your eyes roam his features.  You had made a rule for yourself the first day you met him that you weren’t going to allow any feelings for him to flourish as you knew there would be no going back from that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This typically wasn’t an issue between Master and Padawan, but because you were older than most, having been discovered by the Jedi later in your life, you wondered if the Jedi Counsel ever had any doubts about your training with him.  You wondered why then the Counsel would put you with the most attractive member in the Jedi order.  It could be that they were doing it to test you and your loyalties with the Jedi and the Order, but then again, they may not have even considered it either.  They probably just thought what Anakin had said, that if anyone could train someone as powerful and impulsive as you, it would be him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It actually wasn’t bragging to say that you were powerful with the Force.  Your midichlorian count showed the proof.  The only two people with a higher count than you were your Master of course and Master Yoda.  The Counsel had been thrilled when they had found you before the Sith did, and were even more thrilled when you had decided to leave your home to train as Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps then maybe they put you with Anakin to ensure you’d stick around, counting on the fact that you’d develop feelings for him and stay no matter what.  You didn’t want to think the Counsel was that manipulative.  They had made it clear that it was against the Jedi Code to form attachments, and having romantic feelings for your Master no less, was incredibly forbidden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remembering this, and your own rule, you looked away from him quickly, your cheeks burning knowing you had been looking at him for too long.  You’d think though that you would have gotten your fill of his face by now, considering how often you do stare at him when the two of you are together.  You had memorized the color of his eyes to the exact shade, knowing the time of day that the Naboo’s sky would match his eyes.  You could probably pick out the color of his lips too if given options on flowers.  You had followed their shape many times, imagining pressing your own against his, curling your fingers in the hair at the nap of his neck, pulling him closer…  He was just flawless.  His jawline and facial structure were just so, masculine.  And when he did get angry or just very intense, all of those features would intensify and you’d find yourself having to look away from him to be able to concentrate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a delicate, secret balance you had with him, knowing he’d never feel the same and only indulging your desire to look at him, never anything else.  You were hardly one to physically touch him unless he was in danger, worried that you’d linger on his body for too long.  You even cut off your own daydreams about him, knowing that would only further increase your problem.  You couldn’t stop yourself however from dreaming about him when you slept.  Of course it didn’t help that you’d think about him right before you fell asleep in the hopes that you’d get to visit him in your dreams.  Nonetheless, so far you have been good to not get too involved.  You were infatuated of course, but you wouldn’t be?  Because of that, you decided not to be too hard on yourself, but you made certain you kept your distance.  The Jedi Order was really all you had… You shook your head, not wanting to take your mind down that road whatsoever.  The point is, you couldn’t risk the home and the family that you had made with the Order just because your Master is dreamy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Master?” you spoke up after a while.  He hummed.  “Besides the obvious, is there anything that I did that you think could use improvement?” you asked.  You almost always did this after a mission, wanting the critique so you could improve your skills faster.  Whenever other Jedi Masters heard you ask Anakin this, they would look scoldingly at their own Padawans, wishing they would ask them the same thing.  You figured it was just because you were older than most Padawans so you didn’t think too much of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I guess you allowed Grievous to taunt you, which kind of led to his escape…” he said, the both of you only now realizing that it was your fault he got away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” you said sadly, your shoulders sagging.  You sighed.  “I just hate it when they don’t take me as a serious threat.” you admitted after a moment.  “It… it bothers me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed.  “I know what you mean.” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do?” you looked up at him now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed again.  “Yes.” he didn’t elaborate, but you decided not to coax it out of him, just taking the fact that he understood how you felt as solace.  “My advice is,” he said.  “To not let them get the better of you.  Be confident in your abilities, but not too confident of course, and then you’ll be able to let things like that slide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s going to take a lot more training for me to be confident in myself.” you admitted.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laughed softly.  “In time little one, in time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two of you eventually made it back to base where you got a briefing by Captain Rex, a scolding by Obi-Wan, and had been given an order to take a much needed break.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Chancellor had been the one to make that call.  While Master Yoda and Master Windu weren’t too happy to have the Chancellor giving Jedi orders, they agreed with his reasoning.  The Chancellor had said that in order for you to improve, you needed to spend more one on one time with your Master, noticing that that was when you learned the most.  You were both thrilled and horrified at this, ecstatic at the thought of spending so much time alone with Anakin, and also dreading the idea of spending so much time alone with Anakin.  You just needed to focus on the reason why they were having you do this, to improve your skills and knowledge with the Force, not to test your strength against the magnetic pull of his attractiveness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s settled then.” Master Windu stated, his voice altered through the hologram.  “The two of you will be stationed on Naboo, in order to complete your training.”  You groaned inwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naboo?  Of all places they could have sent you to.  Of all the thousands of planets in the galaxy, they wanted you to go to Naboo.  The most romantic planet in the entire galaxy.  How would you be able to focus to get any progress?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unease I sense in you, young Padawan.” Master Yoda said.  You looked up, not having realized you were projecting.  “Unease, about this assignment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You felt Anakin’s eyes on you.  “I just wonder how much training I’ll be able to get done on Naboo.  The environment isn’t like what I’m actually preparing for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Young Padawan,” the Chancellor said in a patronizing tone, making you scowl slightly at him for talking down to you.  “Naboo is the perfect place to train.  There you will find no real threats, allowing you to focus on your studies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid the Chancellor is right,” Master Windu said, looking at you.  “You won’t have any danger there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m perfectly capable of protecting her.” Anakin chimed in, sounding slightly offended.  His words brought heat to your face and you looked down, trying to hide your burning cheeks from all the powerhouses you were currently conversing with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said.  “This is about her comfort, not about your ability to teach and protect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s clearly uncomfortable with the idea as it is.” Anakin said, a slight edge to his voice.  His face contorted into a slight glare, no doubt a flash of anger rising in him.  You could sense his own unease about the situation.  Perhaps he was worried about going to Naboo with you for the same reasons you were… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps the two of you could start on Naboo, and travel elsewhere where should it get in the way.” Master Windu suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a marvelous idea!” the Chancellor agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Settled, it is.” Master Yoda said.  The hologram shut off.  You turned to look up to Anakin, a frown on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master-” he walked away before you could talk to him.  You sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” Obi-Wan said, trying to assure you.  “He’ll come around.”  You turned and watched him walk off towards the ship, his anger evident in his powerful stride.  As long as Anakin was cold and distant, this could work.  As long as he avoided you and didn’t allow your gaze to linger on him like he has silently, so many times before, you could see this plan to complete your training actually working.  If he acted like his normal self though, you couldn’t see a future where this wouldn’t end in your expulsion from the Jedi Order.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what I’m afraid of.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>...yes... i started another fic.  I will keep my promise of never letting a fic go unfinished though, but I have been really into the clone wars series and lusting after cartoon Anakin and I just had to make this.  My username isn't obsessions123 for nothing.  I hope you enjoy this first chapter!<br/>Side note: This takes place during the clone wars and I know Anakin met Grievous for the first time in episode 3, but I ignored canon.  Just so you know it isn't a mistake!<br/>Let me know what you guys think of this first instalment! much love xxxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Understanding Freedom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“That’s not me Master,” you dared to look up at him now, your eyelids lowered, a slight smirk on your face.  It sounded like playful banter, but it looked like something else entirely.  You hoped you hadn’t overstepped.  “It was the Counsel’s idea.” </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've been messing with this chapter for days trying to make it perfect but I decided it can never be perfect so hopefully it's good enough for y'all.  Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Master?” you carefully called into the ship.  You had finished packing your bag and were ready to head to Naboo for your assignment to complete your training.  You were weary of your Master’s seemingly sour mood about the situation.  You wondered if he was angry at you.  This assignment was after all keeping him from the battlefield, a place where even though he shouldn’t, he enjoyed it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were worried that you’d fail most of all.  What if you couldn’t complete your training on Naboo?  What if you were too weak or too stupid?  You were confident in your Master’s ability to teach, but not in your own abilities to learn.  It was such a strange dynamic.  He normally had all the confidence in the world, but despite your natural power, that’s what you lacked the most.  Perhaps that’s another reason why the Counsel paired you with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You began to worry that he’d resent you by the end of this.  Maybe your failure to learn would affect more than just you.  Maybe the Counsel would blame him for your own failure.  You’d have to make sure that they wouldn’t blame him, you’d have to make sure that they found all the fault in you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were fighting to be optimistic though.  You were hoping that the Counsel was right that the best way for you to learn would be just with him.  Perhaps they saw something that you didn’t.  It was evident to most that you and Anakin got along very well, the similarities in your personalities provided that, so maybe having him focus only on you was what you needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That thought made you shiver though.  You were going to have Anakin’s full and undivided attention.  No battle droids keeping you apart, no chases for fleeing Generals.  He was going to be watching your every move.  You knew that would be good for your fighting.  Having him be able to see your tactics and tell you ways to improve your stances would be incredibly helpful with your advancement.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what about the other way around.  You’d get to see more of him than you ever have before.  What if you won’t be able to hold yourself back from him?  What if you try something and he rejects you, or worse, what if he </span>
  <em>
    <span>allows </span>
  </em>
  <span>it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You braved a few more steps into the ship, reaching out with your feelings to gauge him through the Force.  You felt nothing.  He must be blocking you from reading him.  You poked your head up to look towards the main console, seeing him sitting in the pilot’s seat, his elbow on the arm rest and his head leaning into his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master?” you called again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to go?” he asked, not turning to look at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready if you are.”  You set your bag down and took your seat next to him, reluctantly.  You dared not to look over at him and focused solely on the buttons you were pressing and the switches you were flipping to get the ship started up and into the air.  He was quiet too, seemingly doing the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the ship was stable and you launched into hyperspace towards Naboo, you tried to meditate.  You closed your eyes, sitting up straight in the chair and quieted your mind of all your worries.  You tried to reach out with the Force, looking for visions of your future endeavors on Naboo with Anakin.  You could see flashes of a smile, you couldn’t tell if it was yours or his.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Force wasn’t offering you much though.  You figured a smile was a good sign.  Before you opened your eyes and stopped your meditation you felt Anakin.  He was looking at you.  You could feel his eyes roaming your face, lingering on your mouth.  Your breath hitched with this knowledge and you could feel your face heating up.  You tried not to move and to stay calm, to see what else he’d do.  Unfortunately, or to your advantage, he looked away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had been in hyperspace for a little bit.  You had pulled out a text about Force Healing and were reading it when he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want you to think I’m upset with you.” he said.  You set your text down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t really think you were.” you said, looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just,” he sighed.  “You’re right, you’re not going to be able to get a real sense of what it’s like on a planet like Naboo.” you thought for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I will though.”  he looked over at you.  “I mean, as Jedi, we are peacekeepers.  There’s not a more peaceful place than Naboo.  Perhaps, I am to learn not only from your teachings but from the land itself.” you said.  He smiled at you, a wide, toothy, proud smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now I know that optimism didn’t come from me.” he said.  You blushed and looked down, smiling too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not me Master,” you dared to look up at him now, your eyelids lowered, a slight smirk on your face.  It sounded like playful banter, but it looked like something else entirely.  You hoped you hadn’t overstepped.  “It was the Counsel’s idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed in agreement, looking out towards the front of the ship.  “It was, wasn't it?”  He looked thoughtful, as if considering something.  As if he had been granted permission for something.  Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Landing and settling into your quarters took no time.  Anakin let you unpack and rest for a while before meeting with him to begin your training.  You were sitting on the edge of your bed, your knee bouncing up and down quickly with anticipation.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not like this was new to you.  He had trained you like this before.  Perhaps the knowledge that no one else was around is what got you so worked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you were to be staying in the same house, far away from the city and in the middle of a field.  You had separate bedrooms and bathrooms of course.  This also wasn’t new, but again, the idea of being completely alone with him is what changed everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, trying to slow your raging heart.  It worked luckily, your heart rate slowing to a more suitable pace.  That was until it jumped when you heard a knock on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in.” you said, not moving from your position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready to start?” he cracked the door, peeking his head in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed.  “I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is there something wrong?  You feel tense.” he said, stepping further into your room, a look of concern on his face.  There was something about the fact that he was in your room now, the place where you were going to be sleeping that made this all so real.  It felt as though he was stepping into such an intimate place and the troubling part was how much you liked it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wanted him to step in further.  You wanted him to pin you to the bed and have his way with you…  Where did that thought come from?  You shook your head slightly, trying to get your bearings.  You hoped he hadn’t heard that thought and closed yourself off from him, making sure he couldn’t feel anything else from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You swallowed hard.  “N-nope.  I’m good.” you lied.  He knew you were lying, but thankfully he didn’t call you out on it.  He just stepped aside and allowed you to slip past him and out of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He led you to the open field, just outside of the house.  You had to pick your legs up higher as you walked to be able to move through the tall grass.  It wasn’t sharp or itchy like other tall grasses you had encountered.  Much like everything else on Naboo it was soft and delicate, flexible; non irritating.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once you had reached the middle of the field, he stopped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, so today we are going to begin perfecting your fighting stances.” he said, his hands behind his back.  You nodded and reached for your lightsaber, igniting it.  The green glow from the beam shone in your eyes, providing you with some much needed energy and focus.  He looked down and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As often as I tell you your lightsaber is your life, you may not always have it.”  Your shoulders relaxed as he approached, reaching his hand out.  You disengaged your saber and handed it over to him.  He kept it in his hands and again put them behind his back.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so now what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now,” he said, hooking your saber to his belt next to his own.  The two hilts clicked as they bumped against one another.  “You’re gonna show me what you’ve got.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to- OOF!” in the middle of your sentence Anakin jumped into the air, kicking you in the stomach.  It wasn’t with enough power to hurt you but the power in his blow knocked the wind out of you.  You hunched over, clutching your middle until you felt him pouncing for you again.  You jumped back to avoid another kick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t expect- UGH, you can’t expect me to- HUMPH, you can’t expect me to fight you, Master!” you were dodging his blows as you spoke, finally jumping far enough away from him so you could finish your sentence.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” he taunted.  “What if I did this?” he grabbed your saber, igniting it in his hands.  The green looked nice against his face but now was not the time to get distracted.  “Get your saber back.” he instructed, swiping it towards you.  You dodged it easily and looked up, surprised at him.  He lunged towards you again and you flipped backwards to avoid his attack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master!” you grunted, dodging another attack.  “There must be a better way to do this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t be granted mercy at the hands of the enemy!” he said, strangely angrily.  It sounded like he was angry about even having to train you like this.  It sounded as if he’d prefer to just defend you himself and that he was only taking orders.  You picked up a little bit of those feelings through the Force too.  He was projecting slightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You jumped towards him, kicking him in the face, stunning him, then using your legs and all the strength you could muster to swipe at his legs, knocking him to the ground.  He grunted with his fall and you reached for your saber.  He knocked you back with the Force and you fell into the dirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You coughed the dirt from your lungs and looked up just in time to see him in midair, about to stab you with your own saber.  You reached your hands up in a panic, stopping him in midair with the Force.  He grunted and struggled against your hold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keeping him trapped like this took all of your focus, but you maneuvered the Force of his body into one hand while you reached out with the other.  You tried summoning your saber to you but his grip on it was too tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Won’t be that easy.” he smirked.  You sneered at him.  Your gaze landed on his belt where his own saber was sitting so perfectly for the taking against his hip.  You rolled your eyes and tweaked the position of your hand, calling his lightsaber into your own hands.  You released him once you caught his lightsaber and ignited it.  He smiled at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not bad- Hey!” you swiped at him with his saber, making him dodge it.  You laughed and lunged for him again.  He used your saber to block your attack and you smiled.  He returned the gesture, the two of you now fighting one another with each other’s sabers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice fighting like this with such low stakes.  It allowed you to focus more on your stances and making sure your parries were extra fierce and in perfect form.  You were confident he could take them, since you were moving slower than you normally would in a battle and you actually weren’t trying to kill the person you were fighting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed to know your moves before you’d make them, already meeting his saber with yours.  You couldn’t help but smile.  You had no idea that lightsaber fights could be so fun.  It felt incredibly freeing, like having mastered an instrument so you can manipulate it in whatever way you please, playing whatever song you wanted.  You were able to move without restrictions of your knowledge, feeling completely freed by having no worry of being hurt or damaging anything around you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were able to surprise him with one move though, stopping just before you would have sliced his arm off.  He paused, as did you.  He looked at your face with a smile and you beamed at him.  He hit his lightsaber away with yours, continuing the dance that neither one of you wanted to end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could tell he was increasing his speed and the difficulty with which his blows came.  You defended them easily, falling into the rhythm of the moves.  You must have gotten too confident with your abilities though because one moment you were swiping your saber and the next you were sitting in the dirt.  He used your own move against you, while holding your saber.  He smirked as he stood above you.  You grinned, accepting his challenge.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You jumped up, fighting him with more ferocity now.  You used your more agile body to your advantage, spinning and flipping and jumping all around him.  You were able to do this without exhausting yourself because you’d move your body around with the Force.  Of course you could do it all day long without that extra help, as you had been trained, but now that your abilities were at the level they were, you felt you had earned the right to use it to help aid in your movements.  You could feel him doing the same, using the Force to make himself more steady on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t think that swing had landed.  You didn’t see that it hadn’t though, but you didn’t feel it either.  You weren’t going to question Anakin clutching his shoulder and falling to the ground though.  Your heart dropped to your feet and you felt all the color drain from your face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin!” you disengaged his saber and threw it to the ground.  You ran over to him and clutched him against you.  “Anakin, I-” he grunted in pain and tears welled in your eyes.  How could you have done this?  The one person you wanted to protect most in the world, to keep safe, you hurt him.  You felt his body shaking as you held it against yours and you didn’t know what to do.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You heard him saying something.  No.  He wasn’t saying anything.  He was--laughing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master?” you turned him over to face you and the huge smile on his face was undeniable.  You had never heard him laugh so hard.  You were angry at him now, but relieved that he was okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not funny.” you said, letting go of him and letting his drop to the dirt.  He just continued to laugh and you rolled your eyes, not being able to keep the smile from cracking your face at the delightful sound of his laughter.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You crossed your arms as you sat above him, feigning anger now.  He reached up to console you, but you pushed him away.  He simply fell over, too weak from laughter to hold himself up.  You began to laugh too, despite yourself.  He reached up for you again and pulled you against him, too weak with giggles now too to stop him.  You fell on top of him, both of your bodies shaking against one another as you laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled you closer to him, laughing into the crook of your neck.  The feel of his breath and the closeness of his face against your bare skin sobered you up.  Your laughter died down and so did his.  He paused for a moment and then slowly moved away from you, setting you gently on the ground.  He cleared his throat and grabbed your lightsaber.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good work, Padawan.” he said, handing you your saber.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Master.” you took your saber and clipped it to your belt.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watched him stand and walk over to where you had thrown his own saber to the ground.  He didn’t reach down to pick it up.  Instead, he called it to his hip with the Force, not even touching it with his hand and walked towards the house.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You stepped out of the shower, the steam from your bathing was warming the room.  You sighed as you stepped onto the plush rug, ringing your wet hair with a towel.  You were beginning to relax.  Even though your training with Anakin ended more awkwardly than expected, you felt that moment had passed.  Now that you were both cleaned up and he was preparing dinner, you were certain everything else would go more smoothly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eating with him wasn’t new territory.  The two of you would spend days, even weeks together at a time.  Of course they were never spent alone like this, but at least the familiarity should put the two of you at ease.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You put on your sleeping clothes, figuring you’d head to bed soon after eating.  It wasn’t normal to get to be so at ease like this.  Especially with a war going on.  You were absolutely going to take advantage of the luxuries, like taking long hot showers and wearing your pj’s for something other than sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once you finished in the fresher you decided to step out onto the balcony attached to your room to brush through your hair.  Another thing you hardly ever get to do is properly groom yourself.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was beginning to get dark now.  The sun was close to the horizon, the sky above you was navy blue.  The world around you was bathed in a brilliant gold glow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You sighed in contentment and leaned your hip against the railing.  A slight smile was on your face as you looked out over the vast fields of Naboo.  You couldn’t help but feel at peace.  The solace and comfort of this world was enough to almost make you forget about the war going on in the rest of the galaxy, almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your back was to the entrance of the balcony, but you knew Anakin was behind you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful.” you said.  You turned to him and made a face.  He was leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest and looked dumbfounded for some reason.  A moment of awkward silence went by because of his lack of response.  “Master?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? Oh, yes.” he was acting like his brain wasn’t screwed on right.  You laughed at him and turned back to look at the view.  You continued to gently brush your hair and sighed again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think this is where I’m supposed to be.” you said, thinking out loud.  Anakin walked over to you, facing you and mirroring your position.  “I know the Jedi are meant to be protectors of the peace which actually means we never get to experience it for ourselves, but I don’t know, is it selfish of me to want to just stay here for the rest of my life?” he smiled at you and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t blame you.  It is incredibly peaceful here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just feel so complete, you know.  I feel so connected to the Force here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps that’s another reason why the Counsel wanted us to come here.” he said.  “Nothing they ever do is an accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” you shook your head.  “Makes me wonder why we spend our lives at war for others,” he squinted at you.  “If we are supposed to live for peace.” You looked at him and shrugged.  “Doesn’t make much sense if we never get to have it for ourselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is all this coming from?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shook your head.  “I don’t know…” you did know actually.  After spending not even a day on Naboo you realized for the first time in your life what it meant to be free.  Being able to make decisions for yourself, even if it was how long you took in the shower and where to brush your hair.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were a slave before the Jedi Order found you and it wasn’t something you liked to think about often.  Those wounds were still too fresh and far too painful to even think about what it meant to you to be here on Naboo right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While the Jedi Order has granted you safety and purpose and family, it fails to grant you true freedom.  You had no say in who your Master was, you have no say in what battles you get to take part in, you have no say… even in being here now.  Your face dropped as you realized this, your feelings of freedom and peacefulness suddenly vanished.  You realized you were still a pawn in their game.  You didn’t come here of your own free will, you were coerced into coming.  The strong connection you felt to the force diminished with your joy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked down at the ends of your hair as you held it in your hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe no one is truly free.” you said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Anakin said, putting a hand on your shoulder and giving you a warm smile.  “I think you’re just hungry.”  you smiled weakly at him and nodded, following him down stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table was already set.  As you walked behind him towards the table, you noticed that his hair was still wet from when he had bathed.  The water was soaking into his white sleep shirt, making the material slightly transparent.  The fabric was sticking to his skin, showing you the definition of the muscles of his back.  You swallowed hard, having never seen him like this.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you only ever see each other in your Jedi robes, and they were quite modest.  Seeing so much of him was absolutely intoxicating and you quickly lost your appetite for food.  You became much more ravenous for something else, something you couldn’t have, not even in the slightest.  So, so far from freedom… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you sat down across from one another.  You grabbed your water glass and took a sip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just want to say, Master, how thankful I am that you are here training me.  I’m sure you would much rather be doing something more exciting than spending all your time with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now why would you say that?  You know I love having you as my Padawan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but I also know how much you love fighting in battles.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like winning battles.” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am just trying to say thank you, here!” you laughed, exasperated by his inability to receive your thanks.  He chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is my pleasure, my Padawan.” you raised your glass in the air and he did the same, the two of you toasting and taking sips from your water.  “You aren’t that bad to be with, you know.” he said after swallowing.  “I do enjoy your company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I, yours.” you smiled, trying to beat the heat fighting to warm your cheeks with color.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I couldn’t imagine having to do this with Obi-Wan.” he said.  “I much prefer the role of Master.” he smirked.  Your cheeks were definitely a bright red now.  Did he realize the connotations of the sentence he just said?  You wouldn’t put it past your Master, but you were also surprised he was being so avert about it.  Perhaps he was also feeling the effects of the two of you being alone here.  Instead of dwelling on it and saying anything risky, you decided to change the subject.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, was there anything from today you think I could work on?” you asked, taking a bite from your food.  You gasped as the flavors hit your tongue and you looked up at Anakin in surprise.  “You made this?” you asked, a little too loudly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chuckled.  “I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were looking at your plate.  “It’s amazing!” you took another bite.  “I didn’t know you could cook so well!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, my Padawan.” he looked at you while he took a bite and you froze under his heated gaze.  What was that supposed to mean?  What was going on with him?  “But yes, let me think.” he sat back in his chair and wiped his mouth with a napkin as he thought.  “I guess the thing you could work on is the thing you did perfectly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we were dueling I could feel how connected to the Force you were, it made you almost invincible.  You need to keep that sort of connection to the Force all the time.  So work on continuing that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smiled.  “That sounds like a compliment.”  He leaned forward again and took another bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It might be.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all have a happy thanksgiving with whatever you are doing in this strange year.  I also hope you enjoyed this second chapter!  Your comments and love for the first one absolutely blew me away and of all that motivates me to write faster so keep 'em coming if you want fast updates!  let me know what you think of this one.  much love xxxx<br/>also, if you'd like to see the "jedi robes" that reader wears i *ahem* i have the star wars game pack for the sims 4 and could post a picture of of a sim wearing what i imagine the reader to wear.  let me know if that something you'd want  (its stupid and dorky i know)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Battle Begins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There was no denying now what both of you wanted, what both of you were heading towards.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to wait to upload this later in the week, even though I've had it done for about a day, because it's finals week and I won't be able to update with the next chapter as soon as I'd like.  However, I just can't keep y'all waiting!  Enjoy! xxxx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I don’t understand how this is supposed to make me a better Jedi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust the process, my Padawan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would imply trusting you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t trust me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid your track record doesn’t bode well, Master.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, when have I ever let you down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Canto Bight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Yes, well, point taken.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You laughed and collapsed to the ground.  You had been using the Force to hold yourself upside down in the air while also focusing on using the Force to stack massive rocks on top of one another.  He had been standing below you, arms crossed, a smirk on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this rate it’s going to take me forever to be fully trained.” you sighed, turning over and sitting back on your knees.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t tell if that’s an insult to my training or a lack of confidence in yourself.” he teased.  You smiled up at him and shook your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit of both.” you winked at him and he laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just for that your next lesson will be in Jedi dinner making.  I’m starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a feeling you’re taking advantage of your power over me, Master.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must need medical attention then because I thought that was obvious.” he chuckled sitting down next to you.  You laughed whole-heartedly, falling back to lay in the grass.  Your hands clutched your stomach as the laughter rippled through you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On second thought, Naboo truly was a peaceful place.  If you ignore the fact that you were forced to come here and all those other elements that proved you weren’t free, and if you focused, you were still able to become one with the Force.  You didn’t really feel it a moment ago when you were focusing so intently, but now, laying in the soft grass, surrounded by a field of yellow and violet flowers, the sun warm and not overbearing, shining down on the two of you, you wondered why the Jedi Temple wasn’t here, in the heart of peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your laughter subsided as you looked up towards the blue sky, smiling to yourself as the deep blue mimicked that of your Master’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s 0300 isn’t it, Master.” it wasn’t a question.  He looked to you with an amused expression on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a bold statement, little one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll bet you 5 credits that it’s 0300.” you said, turning to face him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Deal.”  He smirked and jumped up and began running towards the house.  You giggled and shot up too, accepting his challenge for a race.  You knew you’d lose.  His legs were much longer than yours.  Not to mention the fact that the man was muscular and athletic in every conceivable way.  Still, you tried to keep up with him, but your focus was more so on watching him than on winning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little bugs and creatures fled from the grass and flowers as the two of you tore through the fields and towards the house.  It strangely made you feel as though you should be in a large ball gown, like the ones you had seen some of the Senators wear at events.  You had always secretly wished you could wear something like that in the hopes of feeling beautiful.  You knew though that wanting material things was against the Code; so many things you wanted were forbidden… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin stumbled up the porch steps and into the house, flinging the door open and running to look at the clock in the living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit,” he said, panting slightly.  “How did you know that?” he turned to you, hunching over as he caught his breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You had a moment where you wanted to tell him how you knew.  You wanted to tell him how you felt about him.  What if he felt the same?  But what if he didn’t?  The moment passed like a fleeting shadow, but still that thought made your heart sink to your stomach and look down.  You took a breath, to steady your voice then looked back up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lucky guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He did end up teaching you how to make dinner.  Having only eaten rations for most of your time as Jedi and having all your other meals prepared for you, you had never cooked before.  You were curious about how Anakin knew how to cook, but just as you wouldn’t want him asking about your past, you had never asked about his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nice though, being so close to him in the kitchen and making fun of each other while you cooked.  He actually did make a lesson out of it too.  He had you only use the Force to pick up utensils and use them.  You ended up getting sauce all over the stove top when you accidentally sloshed it around, almost starting a fire.  He couldn’t seem to stop laughing after that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Things changed though when he looked at you strangely for a moment.  You were standing close to each other.  He was chopping something on the counter while you focused on </span>
  <em>
    <span>slowly</span>
  </em>
  <span> stirring the sauce.  It looked like he wanted to say something.  A moment passed while he stared at you.  You held your breath, waiting for him.  You were worried something was wrong by the look on his face, he looked... pained.  He looked as if he was going through an intense inner battle with himself.  You thought inwardly at how well you knew how that felt, having looked at him the same way many times.  It was almost as if looking at </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> was painful for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span>, took a breath to speak, the sauce started to boil over, spilling its contents onto the stove top, again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve got to be kidding me.” you said, using the Force to turn the heat off and grabbing the pot, holding it in midair as the sauce calmed to a simmer.  You chuckled lightly, despite the strange atmosphere he created by looking at you like that.  It’s just that the idea that you spilled the sauce twice in one session was comical.  What are the odds?  You were sure he was going to continue to lighten the mood and let this pass by making fun of you or something.  Instead, Anakin cleared his throat and moved to grab a towel, cleaning off the stove top.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s got to be done by now.” you said, quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go set it on the table.  I’ll be done soon too.” he said, not meeting your eyes.  You hesitated, then nodded, taking the pot to the table.  You sat down in your seat and tried to reach out with your feelings to see if you could understand what was bothering him.  Something must have been off though because when you reached out, all that you felt were your own feelings towards him reflected back at you.  You sighed and gave up.  If he wanted to say something you’d allow him to just say it in his own time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came into the dining room a few moments later with the rest of the food.  You prepared your plate and the two of you ate in silence.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After dinner you were sitting in the living room.  You had started the fireplace, loving Naboo but not liking how cold it got at night.  You were continuing to read your book about Force Healing when Anakin walked in and sat down next to you.  You chuckled at his abruptness and his decision, of all the places to sit in the living room, to sit directly next to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” you teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you want to come here?” he asked you suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When the Council first mentioned Naboo, you were uncomfortable about the idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Discomfort is different from finding something futile.” he said.  Your jaw unhinged slightly, your lips parted in disbelief at the meaning of his words.  He was confronting you about your feelings.  Even though he was being incredibly vague, there was no doubt in your mind that he knows.  He must know.  He has to know how you feel.  Why else would he care to clarify this?  In the future you’d look back on this and wish you’d have turned the tables and mentioned that his own discomfort for this mission had been similar to yours as he defended you that day.  He had even fought harder than you to avoid coming here.  Your brain was shutting down though as you went into full panic mode.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can feel your worry now.” he said.  You couldn’t say anything.  You just stared at him.  You opened your mouth to speak, to try and back track all of this, but you couldn’t find the words.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” he asked quietly, leaning closer to you.  “What do you want?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You felt completely exposed, as if all your inner thoughts were in the open and he was gazing upon them with hungry eyes.  Perhaps though, maybe he was.  You were certain you were projecting each thought that popped into your head, too distracted to stop the flow of your inner monologue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gave up trying to fight it.  You gave up trying to defend yourself with words.  Instead, you just stared at him, and him at you.  Your energies were swirling around each other as you sat in what felt like defiant silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you want?” he repeated in a whisper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your heart was absolutely pounding by now, your brain in a frenzy.  You were going back and forth between the idea of lunging on him and running away.  He was just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>close</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you, it was intoxicating.  For a moment, you were brave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes darted down to his lips then back up to his eyes.  There would be no misinterpreting what you wanted.  He sucked in a breath upon realizing this, his body moving forward slightly, his eyes doing the same as yours.  You began to move forward too, your gaze resting only on his lips now.  You felt their pull and he wasn’t going anywhere.  He wasn’t ripping himself from you, from this moment.  He was leaning in too.  He was walking towards it, towards you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stopped right in front of his face, looking up at his eyes, silently asking if you were really about to do this.  He only leaned closer towards you.  You took a breath, feeling his own fanning across your face at your proximity.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips pressed against yours in the faintest touch.  You could now finally feel their plush softness for just a moment.  The anticipation was still palpable and electric in the air and your eyes fluttered closed at the sensation.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of you pulled just enough away to stop your lips from touching, waiting for the other to move away entirely, your foreheads resting against one another, both of you panting.  Neither of you moved.  For a moment the two of you just sat there, breathing each other in.  Both of you were trying to pull away, to stop this before it went too far.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved forward, pressing his lips more solidly against yours, both of you still sitting completely still, just barely moving your lips over one another, another test.  You were still trying to fight this, even though you lost the second he had looked at you with those eyes, with that </span>
  <em>
    <span>look.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  You two pulled away again, shifting your bodies closer panting into each other’s mouths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed his lips against yours again.  He kissed you for a moment and you felt your resolve melting.  You had been trying so hard to fight this.  You had been fighting this for years.  But now, with his lips pressing against yours and the knowledge that he wanted this too, you surrendered to him, throwing your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks and jaw, bringing him closer to you.  The tension snapped at the same time.  His arms wrapped around your body, pulling you in against his.  He sighed into your body, as if a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders with your surrender.  You whimpered against his lips, a soft tiny sound that only someone as close as him could hear.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a breath against your face, and he pulled you closer, lifting you so you were straddling him now, needing more bodily contact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t let up.  Your kisses became more hungry and needy, finally giving in to your desires.  You gripped the hair at the nape of his neck and tugged, earning a growl from him.  His sound of pleasure made you mewl for him.  You tugged his hair down, tilting his head back so you could explore more of his mouth with yours.  From where you were perched on his lap your head was slightly above his.  You took advantage of this, taking everything you wanted--needed from him, and he gladly obliged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your hands tore through his hair, feeling the silken soft waves against your fingertips, something you had wanted to do for years.  You pulled on it again, earning another more desperate growl.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His grip on your hips was tight.  You could feel the difference between his flesh hand and his metal one, covered by that leather glove.  He rocked your hips over his using his hands to move you, both of you moaning as you could feel his erection growing beneath you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tore himself away from your lips and you gasped as they worked their way down your throat, biting and sucking over the delicate skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” you breathed out.  He hummed in response, not wanting to tear his mouth away from your body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips found their way back on yours and you sighed into him.  His hands rested over your ass now, squeezing and kneading the muscle there.  You gasped into his mouth and your eyes fluttered open.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pulled away, holding his head in your hands and looked at him.  He looked absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>delectable</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  His hair was a mess from your hands running through it and his eyes were dark and clouded.  His lips were red and bitten and he had a slight smirk on his face.  He looked ready to fucking devour you and you moaned as you crashed you lips back onto his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of this seemed as though it happened so quickly.  As you kissed him and thought back, it actually seemed as though your entire life had been leading to this moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That worried you greatly all of the sudden.  You knew what you were doing was wrong, forbidden even.  What you were doing was enough to get you expelled from the Jedi Order.  If not for the Jedi Order, then who as a Force user do you serve?  What if this was you submitting not only to Anakin, but the Dark Side?  Maybe that’s why this felt so much more momentous than a kiss.  Granted you had been wanting to kiss him since you met him, but perhaps that temptation was put there by the Dark Side and you had just willingly accepted it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right before you were going to pull away from him and admit your mistake, his comms device lit up and started chiming.  He groaned in frustration against your mouth and you tried not to turn into a puddle on his lap from how needy he was for you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reluctantly pulled away from you and hit the button for audio on the comms so no one could see a hologram of you straddling your Master.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?” he sighed, looking at you with hungry, dark eyes.  The look sent shivers down your spine and you almost threw caution to the wind to kiss him again.  Dark Side be damned.  That was until you heard Obi-Wan’s voice through the speaker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin?  Is your Padawan with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here.” you said, not pulling your gaze away from his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good.  The two of you are needed.”  Anakin groaned again, this time quietly enough so Obi-Wan wouldn’t hear him and threw his head back onto the couch.  His neck was completely exposed to you and it took all the willpower you could muster to not lean forward and take a bite out of his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Master Kenobi?” you said instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m afraid there is to be a Separtist invasion on the planet Moth, there, in the Naboo system.” Anakin tilted his head up, looking at you with concern now.  You shared the expression and slowly slid off him as you listened, the heat between the two of you now dissipating into worry.  “Being that you two are the closest, you’ll head the defense.  We are sending a party of ships to you now to pick you up and begin your security of Moth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be sure that Moth does not fall to the Separatists.” Anakin said, bringing his wrist closer to his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you will.  May the Force be with you both.” Obi-Wan said, then disconnected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked to Anakin and stood up, grabbing your forgotten book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we should get going.”  He latched onto your wrist and stood, towering over you now.  You swallowed hard at the change in power with just his height.  You strangely preferred this too, wishing it had been him on top tugging your hair back roughly as he kissed you with ferocity.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You shuddered under him as he leaned in slowly, not breaking eye contact with you until the very last moment, right before his lips touched yours once more in a lingering, burning kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” you pushed him away, but it was difficult not to lean right back in now that you could see his face.  “We can’t.” you whispered.  His lust filled eyes seemed to have cleared as he blinked at you quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- you’re right, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” you said quickly.  He looked at you for a moment again and let go of your wrist, seemingly afraid to be touching you.  You didn’t know what else to say, and you didn’t want to acknowledge what happened more than you had, so you just turned around and walked away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Master.” you said excitedly.  “Just like old times.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know why you sound so happy about this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I like having you as my chauffeur.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> your chauffeur.” he said through gritted teeth.  You chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on you two, focus.” Obi-Wan’s voice came through both of your communications.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She started it.” Anakin said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m ending it.” he said, sternly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about me, Master.” you chimed in.  “I’ll protect you.” you smirked.  You could feel his annoyance through the Force and could practically hear his eye roll.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you were in a ship together, the fleet having not been able to bring either of your fighters in time to beat the Separatists to Moth.  You were manning the guns and he was flying.  When you were first starting your training, this is how you’d join him in a space battle as you hadn’t been experienced enough to fight from your own ship.  Now, you were sitting behind him, your back to his as you pressed buttons and flipped switches, priming the guns and missiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The planet below was a murky yellow-green, the entire planet looked as though it was sick.  Pretty or not, you were going to defend it with everything you had.  It was, afterall, your duty as a peacekeeper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have Separatist Gun Ships coming out of hyperspace, sir.” you heard Captain Rex say through the comms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s give them a warm welcome.” you heard Anakin say.  You snarled, preparing for the fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second the ships were visible, the Republic fleet rained open fire on their ships.  They immediately retaliated, and were clearly surprised going by their lack of organization.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems we’ve caught them off guard.” you said, speaking louder than normal over the sounds of blaster fire and explosions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s make this one quick.” Anakin said, spinning towards the lead ship.  You knocked off each and every fighter the two of you picked up on your way towards the cruiser.  “Great shot!” he complimented you on a particularly well aimed blast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks!” you yelled out quickly, firing another round of blasts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoever your Master is must have taught you well.” he teased.  You were the one to roll your eyes this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you approached the lead ship, a feeling through the Force worried you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master,” you said hesitantly.  “Something about this feels… off.” he paused for a moment.  You could feel him reaching out with the Force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right,” he said, flipping switches and pulling away from his course towards the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, the lead gun ship is empty.” you heard Captain Rex say through the comms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a bad feeling about this…” you muttered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quiet back there!” your Master scolded.  Anakin angled the ship towards the planet and leaned forward, looking closely.  “Rex!  Get your men on the surface!  It’s a trick!” your Master ordered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A trick?” you said surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This whole thing is a diversion, they are already on the surface.  We have to get there now!”  You jolted in your seat as Anakin hit the thrusters, flying towards the planet with incredible speed.  You shot down every fighter that got in the way and watched as your entire battalion began heading towards the surface.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin landed the ship and you got out quickly, igniting your lightsaber and blocking the blasts that were coming your way.  The other ships from your fleet were landing and the troopers were beginning to do the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You saw the wave of battle droids moving quickly towards you, and the city capital which you were defending.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the plan, Master?” you yelled to be heard over the commotion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold them off as long as we can!” he yelled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound like much of a plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got any ideas?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You thought for a moment.  You knew good and well that he could think of a million different plans to ensure victory.  And especially for an attack as seemingly small as this one, you were certain he knew the exact way to win.  This was another test, one you were determined to pass this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You tried to focus on your breath as best you could while blocking and deflecting droid blaster fire.  You needed to center yourself in the Force.  You thought back to the warm sun on Naboo, the feeling of the grass on your skin, the color of the sky… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got it!” you said suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?  What’s the plan then?” he asked looking at you but still being able to block every blast that came his way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re all coming from that direction, if we run around them we can pin them in, they’ll be forced to focus on us rather than destroying the city.” he smiled up at you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rex, grab your best men and meet us at these coordinates” he spoke into the comms on his wrist, holding eye contact with you.  There was something more in his gaze now, now that the two of you have kissed and basically explained your feelings for one another with that moment.  The idea of losing yourself to him could also mean losing yourself to the Dark Side.  Remembering this, and the dangers it’ll bring, your smile dropped and you turned away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rex and his men arrived and all of you were taking cover.  You were waiting for Anakin to brief them on the plan, when you realized he was waiting on you to give the orders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh…” he smiled at you and put his hands on his hips, taking a few steps back.  “Right, okay.” you were stuttering.  You looked to your Master, he was looking back at you with a look on his face that showed nothing but confidence in you.  You smiled gently at him and turned back to face the troopers.  “Alright, here’s the plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your battle plan had gone on without a hitch.  You had successfully surprised the droids, deterring them from going towards the city with so much fire power coming from their rear.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With dealing with attacks from both ends, the droids army depleted to naught, keeping Moth under Republic control and safe once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the battle, after you had sliced through the last battle droid, you realized that this was a victory you had acquiesced.  You looked towards Anakin with excitement and ran to him without thinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We did it!” you said, throwing yourself into his arms.  He hugged you back and chuckled as you pulled away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> did it.” he said, a bit more seriously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stepped forward to kiss him, forgetting where you were and </span>
  <em>
    <span>who </span>
  </em>
  <span>you were for a moment, before stopping yourself.  You looked at him and realized he had done and thought the same thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you stared at each other once more, looking each other up and down, chests heaving and foreheads gleaming from the battle.  Your skin was caked with sweat and soot, black smoke from destroyed droids circled around you, tainting the air.  Medics were racing towards the wounded, both your comms were lighting up with Masters and Generals seeking reports.  Clones were cleaning up the damage and helping to fix what little damage had happened to the city during battle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite all this, you two only had eyes for each other, you only felt each other.  There was no denying now what both of you wanted, what both of you were heading towards.  It was inevitable really.  As you stood there panting with so much want, with so much </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him.  There was now no point in trying to stop any of this because you had both already taken a step forward into the darkness, together.  You were going to fight for the light, determined to keep it, but you were going to fight for him too.  You could only hope that this wouldn’t lead to your ultimate and definite end.  While this battle may have been over, you felt as though a new one was just beginning.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>....so yeah.... that happened.  I have to say though, all your comments and the support and feedback for this story has been unreal!!!! thank you all for your kinds words and just know anytime I see a comment a huge goofy grin comes over my face and then I'm happy for the rest of the day.  Also, I had planned on inserting a picture of how I imagine her robes to look but unfortunately I wasn't able to do that.  I imagine them to be similar to Obi-Wan's in color but more feminine if that helps.  But, as usual, imagine her to look and dress however you like because she is you after all. ;)</p><p>The more y'all comment, by the way, the more motivated I am to write, so if you like it or have a suggestion or just want to tell me about your day, or theories you have about the story, throw it down in the comments and the next chapter should come that much faster!!! I love to hear your thoughts on stuff and what you think.  So, as always, let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed! </p><p>P.S. I'm working on chapter 4 now and I hope to get that out next week.  Take care, much love xxxx</p><p>P.P.S I finished Clone Wars last night and I am utterly speechless, what an amazing show!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Meeting in The Middle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>But for now, you tried to drop everything, everything but him, and tried to imagine life where you could love him and get away with it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is a bit shorter than my other chapters, but still packed with a TON of development nonetheless.  I had to split this chapter with the next one as a certain scene I was writing was going to make this one WAAAAAYYYYY too long if I kept it in.  Alas, I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Great work on the security of Moth, Skywalker.” Master Windu said through the hologram</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Master, but with all due respect, the victory is due to my Padawan.  It was her idea to sneak up behind them and she did most of the dirty work.”  Anakin spoke.  You inwardly cringed, not wanting all of this attention on yourself.  You weren’t one to take praise well as it wasn’t what motivated you to work hard, but you knew he had good intentions with telling the Counsel that the victory was your doing.  Master Windu looked towards you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In that case, great work, Padawan.” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Master.” you bowed to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A great Jedi, you will turn out to be.” Master Yoda said.  You bowed again, deeper, closing your eyes in respect.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps we should send you back to Naboo, to continue your training?” Master Windu said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I agree.  She clearly benefited greatly from it.” Obi-Wan chimed in.  You looked to Anakin quickly to find that he was already looking at you.  A flicker through the Force meant you were both thinking the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I also agree.” Anakin said slowly, keeping his eyes on you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s settled then.” Master Windu said and the hologram cut off.  You let out a breath you hadn’t known you’d been holding and slumped your shoulders.  You put your hands on the console and leaned forward, closing your eyes and trying to figure this whole thing out.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back to Naboo?  Why would they have you go back?  Well, you knew why, and it was all your fault.  You just had to impress them so much during that battle to make them think you were benefiting from your time with Anakin.  Even though you knew you actually had improved, your connection to the Force had never felt stronger, but couldn’t they put you back on assignments now too, to complete your training in a more realistic way?  As much as you believed that the Jedi belonged on as peaceful a planet as Naboo, it was more idealistic than reality would allow.  This war was dictating everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” you heard Anakin say.  You opened your eyes but didn’t move.  “Are you okay?” you felt him put a hand on your back but you stood up quickly and pushed his hand away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine.” you said, a little more cold than you would have liked.  He crossed his arms and looked at you, he knew you were lying.  You sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just, I really don’t want to go back to Naboo.” you said, shyly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not?  I thought you loved it there?” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… that’s not really what I mean.” you said, avoiding eye contact with him.  Your hand came up to rub on the back of your neck, hating to be having this conversation but knowing it was necessary.  As much as you wanted to be able to kiss him and so, so much more, you couldn’t.  You couldn’t risk your position in the Order, especially now you were so close to becoming a fully trained Jedi Knight.  But then again, that would mean you’d no longer spend all your time with Anakin, so what really was the rush to finish?  It was all such a mess.  You again blamed whoever made the decision to have Anakin be your teacher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” he said, sadly.  “I guess I should apologize for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice though, right?” he said, slowly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nice but you and I both know it can’t happen again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>it can’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, why not?  We weren’t breaking any rules by kissing.” he said.  You looked at him in disbelief.  He had just said that word so casually and it threw you off guard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were and you know it.” you said, crossing your arms across your chest in defiance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do?” he smirked, finally revealing he was messing with you, breaking the tension in the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you were supposed to be the Master?” you teased.  He chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And don’t you forget it.” he said, darkly.  You swallowed hard, staring into his eyes.  You could feel your resolve against him melting under his gaze.  It was evident he was trying to seduce you and it was incredibly difficult not to fall for it.  You looked away quickly and shook your head, not yet far enough under his spell for that to have worked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master.” you turned away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, that’s it?” he sounded hurt that you hadn’t continued to play along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t want to talk about it anymore, Anakin.” you said, sadly, bringing him back to reality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” he said.  “Sorry I brought it up.” he said, looking away from you.  You sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s just get this over with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You had settled back into your room, the two of you were staying at the same house you had been.  It was strange being back here so soon; when you had left you were certain you wouldn’t be coming back.  You couldn’t decide if you were lucky or unlucky to be back.  It was safe out here, away from the war, but here is where you were the most vulnerable, if only to yourself and your own feelings.  You didn’t know which would actually come to destroy you, the war, or yourself.  Another thing you were beginning to learn is that nothing is ever as it seems.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of waiting for him to come and get you this time, you decided to go seek out a lesson on your own.  Something you wanted to work on was your fighting skills, but not with a lightsaber.  After your last fake duel with Anakin, you were more confident in your saber fighting than you had ever been.  You also felt good about your skills with the Force.  You felt that your fighting skills were what you were lacking in.  It was going to be hard to practice that alone but the last thing you wanted to do right now was spend anymore time alone with Anakin than what was necessary.  You didn’t need him seducing you and making all of this even worse.  It was hard enough dealing with your feelings for him on your own, but now you had to deal with the fact that he felt the same way.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You made it out to the field, and it wasn’t upon feeling the warm sun on your skin and the gentle breeze running through your hair that you realized how much you missed this.  You no longer felt like fighting or doing anything physical.  You were so at peace that you just sat down on the ground and began to meditate without a second thought.  You crossed your legs and rested your hands on your knees and began to breathe deeply.  The nature sounds were helping to soothe you, making you drop further into your trance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was what you wanted to do for the rest of eternity.  No more fighting, no more war, no more inner battles with yourself.  You </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>conflict, even though you weren’t supposed to hate anything.  Hopefully the Council would just see it as passionately wanting to keep the peace, but so far your duties as a peace keeper has led to your life being anything but.  But this, this is where you felt you should be.  This is how you felt Jedi should live, breathing the Force in and out, the Dark and the Light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You dropped everything in your mind.  You dropped your worry for this war, and your anxiety about the Council.  You dropped the tramas of your past; all that was left were your feelings for Anakin.  You didn’t drop them quite yet though, you tossed them around in your head, swished them in your mouth, and sat with them for a moment, discerning them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You allowed your mind to wander, hoping that if you let it do whatever it wanted then you’d no longer be plagued with visions of him doing things you shouldn’t be imagining.  So instead of pushing away the image of him thrusting himself into you while you sat on top of him, you watched it happen from every angle, feeling every single movement.  You sighed gently, your breath joining the wind around you as it swirled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watched yourself in the vision as you gasped and moaned on top of him and could almost feel him reach his robotic hand down to press his thumb against your clit.  His other hand reached up and wrapped around your neck, squeezing gently.  You could feel yourself approaching release in your vision and exhaled softly, squeezing your eyes shut tighter, feeling your thighs twitch and your core moisten.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watched his face carefully in the vision, enjoying hearing his moans and watching his eyes bore into you.  You wished you could see him like this in real life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the real world, you felt his presence behind you; you didn’t move.  You did let your mind wander to something other than him fucking you though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you here to tear me away from my meditation for some training?” you asked, smug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m actually enjoying it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoying-” it was at that moment that you realized you had been so at peace that you didn’t even think to block your visions.  He had seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Oh my Force.” you dropped your head in your hands, hiding the redness that singed your face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” he said.  You felt him sit down across from you.  “It’s just not how</span>
  <em>
    <span> I</span>
  </em>
  <span> imagined it.”  Your eyes shot open from behind your hands and you removed them from your face quickly, looking at him in complete shock.  He laughed at you, a dark chuckle filling the air.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t speak.  You were horrified by what you had just allowed him to see.  How could you have been so careless?  You wanted to say something, to save face, but you just couldn’t get any words out, your mouth hanging open in a dumb expression.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You watched as he bowed his head and closed his eyes, your sight immediately filling with his visions.  You saw yourself from his point of view, but you were completely naked and looking up at yourself from between your own legs.  You were quivering and clenching and shaking around him and you gasped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay please!” you begged, squeezing your eyes shut.  “Stop, oh my Force!  That’s enough, Anakin!” the vision ceased and you were met with his mischievous eyes once again.  “Why would you do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, you did the same thing to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but not on purpose!  Ugh!” you grunted, standing up and looking down at him.  “You are making things so much harder than they need to be!” you raised your voice at him.  His playful countenance faded into a scowl.  He looked up at you for a moment, the tone shifting dramatically as he glared at you in painful silence.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood up slowly, his height towering over you and it made you even more uneasy as he prepared to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think I’m the one being unnecessarily difficult, my Padawan.” he spoke through gritted teeth.  You tried to bite back your fear.  You knew he would never hurt you, but that still didn’t make you feel completely at ease with him like this.  You had spent a lot of time with you Master to know that seeing him this angry and intense never led to anything good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t- I-I don’t-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know what I mean?” he finished for you.  You looked away submissively, nodding slowly.  “This could all be fine, you and me.  We could make it work, but you refuse to even talk about it.”  you looked at him offended.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s because it won’t be fine, Master.  This isn’t something we </span>
  <em>
    <span>should </span>
  </em>
  <span>discuss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Afraid of the Council?” he taunted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a Jedi.” you said, standing up straighter.  “I don’t fear anything.”  He huffed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll see about that, </span>
  <em>
    <span>young one</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” he sneered.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t possibly think we could get away with this,” you gestured between the two of you.  “With us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The type of </span>
  <em>
    <span>attachment </span>
  </em>
  <span>we want isn’t the kind the Council was warning us about.” he said, taking a step closer, his voice lowering.  You looked up at him in shock at the intonation of his words.  You turned around quickly, leaving your back to him as he reached out for you.  You had to try and stop this, and looking at him wasn’t helping.  He was your weakness.  Turning your back to him showed though that you weren’t strong enough to resist him, he had this confirmed for him now, but you had to pick your battles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can keep it a secret.” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we?” you said quickly, turning around enough so you could see him but so your back was still towards him.  “Is that how you’d want to live, Master?  Lying to everyone, the Council, the Senate just for, for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For you?” he interrupted.  “Yes.” he said.  Your shoulders dropped and you turned to face him fully now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master,” you took a deep breath.  “Anakin,” you whispered.  “You can’t have me.  I belong to the Council and no one else.” you said with more confidence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should belong to yourself.” he said, angrily.  You looked at him, horrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you then not belong to the Council, to the Jedi Order?” you raised your voice at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I do!” he snapped.  You jumped back at his outburst and he sighed, letting his shoulders fall.  “I just don’t see why we can’t indulge in our feelings without getting attached.” he finally said.  You looked at him closely, realizing that he was hurt by you and your resistance to him.  You sighed, and reached your hand up, resting it against his cheek.  He looked down at you, worried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Anakin.” you said, a small smile forming on your lips.  You sighed.  “I don’t think you understand what you’re wanting, what you’re asking for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m asking, I’m wanting- I want you.” he said.  “I want to be able to kiss you and touch you,” you dropped your hand, the intensity of his gaze was becoming too much.  “I want to make you tremble in my hands.” he said darkly.  You gasped.  You wanted that too.  Force, did you want that too.  He was intoxicating you, you weren’t thinking straight now.  You knew it was dangerous to agree, to want that too, but he was also right.  As long as you don't fall in love with him, as long as you don’t become attached to him, you can have the best of both worlds.  Granted you’d still have to keep it a secret, but if how you felt while kissing him that first time was any consolation, you were sure being with him would be worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know Ani…” you said, looking down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?  Am I not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it has nothing to do with you, you-you’re perfect.” he smirked and you rolled your eyes at him.  “It’s just, it’s because I don’t trust myself not to fall in love with you.” you said quietly, looking up at him through your lashes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I promise to not let that happen?” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And how would you do that?” you asked, slightly amused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll annoy you so much that you’ll hate me instead.” he took a step towards you, you didn’t back away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if I don’t want to hate you either.” you took a step towards him, he didn’t back away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll meet somewhere in the middle then,” he said, closing the distance between you two and pressing his lips against yours.  You sighed immediately in the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your body against his.  You felt his strong arms wrap around your waist and you were quickly pulled into his embrace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss wasn’t as heated as it was before.  It was more passionate, filled with more emotion, even though it shouldn’t be.  You decided against pulling away this time, indulging in your emotions just this once.  You swore then to make sure every other time would only be sexual with no strings attached, no emotions making things messy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But for now, you tried to drop everything, everything but him, and tried to imagine life where you could love him and get away with it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Your eyes shot open as you felt a presence enter your room.  You were facing away from the door so the intruder didn’t know you were awake and aware of them.  You were too hazy to reach out through the Force and investigate their intentions, as you had been sleeping and weren’t fully with it yet. but you focused your energy instead on what they were actually doing.  As they approached you, you called your lightsaber to your hand from where it was resting on the nightstand and ignited it, turning around and pointing it at the intruder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin?” you whispered, the light from your saber making his skin glow in the dark room.  “What’s wrong?” he looked worried, scared almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I had a nightmare.” he said.  You knew exactly how he felt.  Ever since your knowledge of the Force got to a high enough level, your dreams had been exceptionally vivid.  That also meant your nightmares were ten times more horrifying.  You could totally understand him being shaken up by one, especially considering his knowledge and power with the Force. You disengaged your saber and set it back down on the nightstand and opened your arms, inviting him to lay next to you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never done this before though, coming to you in the middle of the night like this.  You had also never seen him so frightened and you have the overwhelming need to comfort him immediately.  It was almost scary for you to see your strong and powerful Master so shaken up.  You had always considered him to be invincible, unshakeable.  This was territory you had never been to with him, and you were simply thankful that he felt he could trust you enough to help him, to protect him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t hesitate to lay down next to you, accepting your offer and not even bothering to slide under the covers.  He just leaned into you, nestling his face into your neck and held you tightly.  You were wide awake now, raking your fingers through his hair in an attempt to comfort him and you could feel his entire body shaking as it was pressed against yours.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin, you’re trembling.” you said, breathless, fear laced in your own voice.  His response was a ragged breath that warmed the top of your exposed chest.  “What was it about?” you asked gently.  He just shook his head.  You decided not to pry anymore.  He was clearly distraught and terrified and you hated this.  You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you realized it was up to you to calm him down.  You raked your brain for anything to tell him, a funny story, an embarrassing moment, anything to get his mind off the nightmare that plagued him.  All that came to mind was some song that you didn’t even know the name to or where it came from.  The melody and it’s lyrics came to the forefront of your mind, like some forgotten friend, and the words and sounds tumbled from your lips with ease, like the two of you talking as if no time had passed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you sang you noticed his trembling had stopped and his grip on you had weakened.  You continued to run your fingers through his hair and continued to hold him against your body.  And when you finished the song you waited for him to speak or move or do something.  But he didn’t move.  You tried to move to look at him, but his hold on you tightened, keeping you from going anywhere.  You huffed and looked down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin?” you whispered.  As you paused to listen to him, you heard the faintest sound of snoring.  He was asleep.  You breathed out a laugh through your nose and blinked quickly, not believing what you were seeing.  You were able to tilt his head just enough so you could see his profile and it literally took your breath away.  His skin was illuminated from the sliver of moonlight coming in through your closed curtain.  His lashes rested gently against the tops of cheeks and fluttered as he slept and dreamed.  He looked so peaceful.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You smiled, happy that you were able to calm him down enough to get him to fall back asleep, but now you were dealing with a new problem.  You were propped up in your bed, with a very heavy, strong man on top of you giving you no way to lay down and get comfortable enough to sleep also.  Maybe that was a good thing though, maybe this would help prevent you from catching feelings and getting attached to him.  Perhaps after a full night of no sleep you’d begin to resent him and thus your problem would be over.  As you looked at him though you felt anything but resentment.  You just felt happy while looking down at him, happy and fulfilled.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while of waiting, still running your hands through his hair and just enjoying this moment to yourself, your eyelids began to grow heavy.  You knew if you fell asleep like this you’d wake up with a crick in your neck and then you really would be a grouch in the morning.  You tried your best to wiggle your way down the bed and through his tight embrace to get into a more comfortable position but it was no use.  You sighed, deciding you’d have to wake him up to be able to move but you wanted to wait a little bit and let him get some rest first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At one point though, when your eyes had fallen closed and your breathing had evened out and you had just begun to drift off to sleep, you were surprised to feel him shift under you, lift you over his body and turn on his other side.  He wrapped his arms around you, spooning you, all while staying asleep.  You were in a much more comfortable position now, feeling warmed by his large body pressing up against your back and relishing in the soothing weight of his arms holding you across your chest.  You sighed and leaned into him, closed your eyes and fell asleep.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>wow so a lot just happened right?  I genuinely had so much fun writing their dialogue in this one and while things are progressing a little more quickly than I had anticipated, I'm just letting the story go where it wants.  I'm learning that sometimes stories have a mind of their own and I just become the vessel that which they use to create themselves.  There is still a lot to come... particularly in the next chapter... (y'all aren't ready for this one oh my goodness) so I look forward to completing that here soon and getting that out to you.  As always, let me know what you think and I hope you are all happy, healthy and safe.  much love xxxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. What Happens on Naboo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Your life began and ended with the Order and nothing or no one else.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so much happens in this one.  good luck! (but also enjoy)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The morning sun was beating against your closed eyelids and woke you up with its unrelenting brilliance.  You groaned, trying to turn away from the light when you felt Anakin’s body still pressed up against your back.  You smiled at the memory of the night before and pressed your body back against his, forgetting your temporary quarrel with the sun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes shot open and you gasped as your hips rocked back and you felt his erection against your ass.  You pulled away quickly, knowing that it was just a thing that happened to males when they slept, but with so little clothing blocking you from feeling him, even from that brief amount of contact you could tell he was big.  And not just big, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>massive</span>
  </em>
  <span>, absolutely, fucking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>enormous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span> the Force would put you in a situation like this.  Of course it was trying to test you and your strength against such vices.  Of course it knew of your infatuation with your Master.  You could feel it telling you to continue, to move your body back against his and chase your desires.  It wasn’t trying to stop you or warn you of this feeling, this urge, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  It almost felt encouraging.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if this is the Dark Side disguising itself?  What if it was trying to lure you towards him and then ultimately to it?  Perhaps the hardness that you felt was an illusion put there by the Dark Side so it could use your feelings for him against you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This can’t be the Dark Side though, you are just overthinking this.  Your vision from the day before was presenting itself inside your brain and you wanted to take that leap, to finally get what you wanted and do something selfish for once.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His arms were still wrapped around you, their weight was heavy against your abdomen.  You could clearly see the muscles in his arms since they weren’t hidden by his robes and you wished his robes included short sleeves.  Then again, you were thankful they didn’t; otherwise you’d probably already be dead by being so distracted by his arms you’d have gotten shot by a droid and killed by your own arousal.  It felt like you were about to die from it now though.  You needed to do something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bit your lip, feeling frisky and slowly, carefully, pushed your hips back, pressing your backside against him once more.  You held still, not wanting to wake him up from you grinding on him.  You suppressed a shudder as you could feel him so clearly through your thin sleep pants.  Your core immediately began to flood with arousal and you whimpered slightly at how desperately you wanted to grind yourself against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You bit your lip harder as you fought the urge to do so.  The sun now wasn’t the only thing heating up the room.  You did the best you could of kicking the covers off your body without disturbing him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He seemed to be sleeping soundly though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to indulge in your desires since there’d be no consequences.  He’s asleep, it’s not like he’d know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You wiggled your hips against his erection just barely enough to get some friction on your throbbing cunt.  You exhaled softly into the quiet room and pushed against him a little harder.  His hold on you tightened and you froze in his grasp.  He didn’t seem to be awake though, just twitching in his sleep, so you continued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt so wrong to be grinding up against your Master like this, especially with him not being awake.  You were sure he’d want this if he were awake though, he had made that much clear earlier when he kissed you in the field.  At that point though, you hadn’t quite been ready to do much more than that.  Now though, with his erection throbbing at your backside, you were ready for anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were beginning to get more confident with your movements, and the warmth in your core was growing, as was your desperation.  You turned your head into the pillow and exhaled into the fabric.  Your fist clenched as you tried to fight pushing against him all the way.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were moving steadily now.  Your hips rocked gently back and forth over his length and you screamed into the Force since you couldn’t physically, dying for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You heard a soft, deep groan from behind you, but you didn’t stop.  You wanted Anakin to wake up now, you wanted him to do something about your intense desperation for him.  After years of pining after him, ogling him, dreaming about him, you didn’t care if this was under the perfect circumstances, you just needed him to do something about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His grip on your hip was tight enough now that you knew he was awake.  You felt his hips shift forward, giving more of himself to you as you moved yourself against him.  You whimpered softly at the feeling of him offering more of himself to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm, good morning.” he said, his voice deep and groggy.  The sound of his morning voice was so sexy and you were already so turned on you could only respond with a weak whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He met your hips with his and began to move against you, increasing the friction for both of you.  His grip on your hip was like iron, now that he had you he wasn’t ever going to let go, you were sure of that.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” he said lazily, the heat of his breath washed over the back of your neck and caused you to shiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I just-” you didn’t know what to say.  “I just like the feel of your cock.” didn’t sound quite right and you were too hazy to think of anything better to say, so you just cut yourself off with a sigh of pleasure and kept moving against him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Couldn’t hold back any longer?” he asked.  You whimpered and nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” you breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm finally.” he whispered in your ear and you leaned closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began to slowly drag his hand up your body, over your hip and obliques and up your ribs.  You knew where he was going and you didn’t want to stop him.  In fact, you lifted your arm above your head so it was out of the way of his destination.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed your breast harshly and exhaled into your hair, leaning his face towards you.  It felt so good.  His fingers were running over your stiff nipple and he pulled on your breast and massaged it into your ribs, like he had been waiting for years to grab you like this.  Each brush against your stiff peak had you keening and grinding harder into him, seeking more friction as your cunt clenched at nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were surely ruining your underwear, soaking them beyond reuse, but you didn’t care.  You were in a daze, eyes closed and whimpering softly into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hand that was on your breast went the rest of the way up your body and grabbed the bottom half of your face, angling it towards his own.  He captured your lips between his in a mind swimmingly, distracting kiss.  The hand that was resting above your head came down to grip his hair, bringing him closer to you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hand gripping your jaw came back down to your breast, pulling and twisting at your nipple now, causing you to gasp in his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” you whined quietly against his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are driving me mad.” he whispered into your mouth.  All you could do was moan back into his mouth as his hips continued to rock against yours and his fingers continued to toy with your nipple.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were getting tired of this teasing, tired of denying yourself from him any longer.  You decided that if you were going to break the rules you might as well go all the way and make it worth your while.  You grabbed the hand that was still at your breast and brought it down your body. You placed his hand on your clothed core and he got the hint, immediately pressing his finger against your clit and you shuddered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There we go.” he whispered in your ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking.” you spoke breathlessly, your eyes closed.  His finger began to gently circle your clit and you whimpered into his mouth.  He leant down again and kissed you roughly, pulling you closer to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Confident in your affections towards him, he moved his hand up and under your waistline, slipping his hand into your pants and underwear.  You opened your eyes, watching him as he felt you for the first time.  He was looking down at you, his face smug.  As he hovered over your core, you begged him through the Force to just get on with it, to stop the teasing and fuck you with his hand.  When his bare skin made contact with your own you gasped and his face twitched.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyelids fluttered but you managed to keep them open to look at him and let him see your reactions.  He brushed your clit once more before dipping lower and into your slick.  He hummed upon feeling your arousal and circled your entrance.  You were so sensitive and it was driving you insane.  He wouldn’t stop his merciless teasing and you were getting tired of that smug look that kept fighting its way onto his face everytime you whimpered for him to give you more.  So you grabbed his arm and pulled his hand from your pants and sat up quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, are you- did I do something wrong?” he asked quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” you pulled your shirt over your head.  “I’m just tired of waiting.”  His eyes shot down to your bare breasts, looking upon them for the first time.  He wet his lips and looked back up at you, watching as you stood and ripped your pants and underwear off too.  He just looked at you, frozen on the spot.  It was your turn to smirk at him now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I just astound the great General Skywalker?” you teased.  He shook his head, seemingly shaking away his distraction and smirked darkly at you, sitting up and throwing the covers off the bed completely.  He pulled his shirt off and moved so that he could pull his own pants and underwear off too.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You both took in the sight of each other naked for the first time and you cursed yourself for having waited for this for so long.  He was a sight to behold.  He was so large and masculine and so, cocky.  It was like he knew the effect he had on you and you weren’t even mad about it.  His confidence was sexy and you had never been so wet and horny.  And he had a nice hard cock resting against his abdomen that looked like it could fix your problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You got back on the bed, and moved to straddle him.  He pulled your mouth down against his once you were above him and he kissed you deeply, holding your head in both hands so he could devour you with his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You felt him reach his hand down and you lifted your hips, but instead of grabbing his dick and lining it up to your entrance, he gently prodded your hole and squeezed a finger inside.  You pulled back from his lips quickly, a gasp tearing its way through your lungs.  You shivered above him and spread your legs further to give his arm more room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so wet.” he whispered against your mouth.  “Are you wet for your Master?” he asked in a condescending tone.  Your eyes slid shut and you shuddered with his words.  How could something so wrong feel so good?  He somehow knew exactly what you liked, what you wanted, and pushed every button.  And the crazy thing was, you didn’t even know that talking like that could turn you on so much.  He must know you better than you know yourself.  Again, you weren’t mad at it, just happy that whatever he was doing to you felt as good as it did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” you gasped, kissing him again.  His robotic hand came up and grabbed your throat, pushing you away from his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes what?” he snarled.  All you could do was whimper at his dominance.  Calling him Master would never be the same after this.  You just knew that after this moment you’d be in the middle of a battle, call him Master, and be brought back to this moment where you hovered above him, the both of you naked, and his finger shoved up in your trembling and dripping cunt.  You took a shaky breath and spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master.” you said breathlessly.  You felt a shudder run through his own body, clearly you weren’t the only one that liked that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good girl.” he said, bringing you back down to him and kissing you once more.  His hand was still on your neck and with each passing moment his grip on you would tighten.  As you lost airflow it made your brain buzz and blur, making all your focus go to the feeling of his finger still flexing inside you, while reminding you of who was in charge.  You loved giving him all that power, surrendering yourself to him to just have his way with you.  You didn’t have to think about anything, you could just enjoy him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was becoming not enough though.  You wished he would add a second finger, or shove his cock inside you instead.  Anything more than just one finger and no friction on your clit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master, please.” you begged, your voice hoarse from his hand still squeezing your throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need something, little one?” he spoke.  You groaned from his words, your head dropping to his chest as you could feel yourself clench around him.  “Hm?” he hummed thoughtfully.  “You like when I call you that?”  You breathed out against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master.” you shivered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what you want then, my young Padawan.” he said shakily, just as affected as you by his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want your cock, Master.  Please give me your cock.” you whined.  Then, with your head against his chest, you felt the deep vibrations as he growled, he absolutely fucking growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hand whose finger was inside you pulled away abruptly.  You felt him grab his cock so he could align himself up at your entrance, finally.  He didn’t move to push in though, he waited.  You lifted your head up to look at him as he paused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” he asked quickly, panting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck yes.” you responded.  He growled again and slowly pushed up into you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You cried out and gasped at the stretch.  You were wet, wetter than you had ever been, but it had also been a very long time since you’d had sex and Anakin was a very well endowned man.  You gripped his shoulders and squeezed your eyes shut.  He let you take over so you could move at your own pace and do whatever was comfortable for you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took some time, but a few burning moments later he was fully within you.  The stretch was painful, but you knew it would be amazing if you could just relax.  Sensing this, he lifted himself up and latched his mouth onto one of your breasts, sucking hard at one of your nipples.  You tilted your head back and groaned into the room, loving the feel of his hot tongue running over your pert peak.  You felt your cunt clench and the sensation brought nothing but pleasure up your spine.  You gasped and wiggled your hips atop his and he pulled his head back, looking up at you.  You wiggled more dramatically now and both your jaws dropped in unison at the sensation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You slowly began to move, dragging his cock out of you and slowly dropping back down.  His head fell back on the bed as he groaned loudly and your cunt clenched at the sound, making you pick up your pace as your desperation found itself within you again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so fucking tight.” he groaned, looking up at you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re so fucking big.” you gasped.  He smirked and you weren’t even mad about it.  You didn’t care.  You didn’t fucking care.  You thanked the Heavens for blessing him with such a beautiful cock.  It felt so good inside you you didn’t fucking care about swelling his ego or trying to play it cool.  You were just happy his glorious cock was inside your tight heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were truly a goner though when he grabbed your hips and lifted his, pistoning in and out of you at a brutal pace.  You screamed into the room and fell forward, your sweaty chest pressing against his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” you whimpered into his ear.  You bit his ear lobe and he groaned.  His hands were on your ass, gripping it harshly and spreading your cheeks wide, opening you up for him more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You feel so good.” he gasped out, looking you in the eye.  “We should have done this a long time ago.” he smirked at you.  You smiled a lazy smile back at him.  Your face then quickly contorted as he began to thrust harder and faster, the aggressive friction feeling fucking divine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Anakin.” you moaned, against his neck, holding onto him tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not bad, huh?” he said, his voice breaking as he kept up his brutal pace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.  So good.  Don’t stop.” you pulled yourself up and kissed him lazily, your tongues tangling together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of his balls slapping your ass with each quick movement echoed throughout the quiet room and mixed with the squelching sound of your wet cunt being absolutely demolished.  His hand came around, reaching across your ass and rubbing along the hole in the crevice.  You moaned out loudly at the feeling of being so exposed and open for him.  You loved that he was just taking what he wanted from you, as you were doing to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, you began to feel a glorious tightening deep within your abdomen.  Your skin started to tingle and your insides began to feel hot.  You pulled away from his mouth just enough to speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin I’m gonna cum.” you whimpered quickly, your eyes closed.  He groaned and somehow began pounding into you faster, making your climb that much more powerful.  You squeaked with each thrust as you reached your peak.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dropping your head into his neck and squeezing his arm fiercely, you came around him with delicious power.  The orgasm wrecked through your entire body, feeling yourself clenching deep within your cunt, milking his cock.  Your jaw dropped and your teeth scraped along his skin.  Your back snapped into an arch at the power of your release.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shuddering finally to a stop, you began to come down, your body resorted to a dead weight on top of him.  His speed decreased as you relaxed, but he flipped over quickly and pulled out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were now laying on your back with him hovering above you.  He gripped his cock in his hand and began fucking himself with it, looking you dead in the eye.  You were still blown out from your orgasm but you wanted to watch him cum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gonna cum for me, Master?” you asked in your sweetest voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck yeah, I’m gonna cum for you.” he grunted.  You looked down his body and watched his bicep flexing as he thrust himself into his tight fist.  You watched his cock intently, waiting for him to finish and paint your stomach with his spend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, he came.  Hot spurts of cloudy white liquid came shooting from the red head of his cock.  His cum dripped on your stomach, warming your already hot body even more.  You bit your lip as you watched his face, contorted in such pleasure.  He looked fucking beautiful hovering above you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath when he finished and collapsed next to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of you lay next to one another, breathing heavily.  The cum on your stomach trickled down your sides and tainted the sheets, signifying your Master’s pleasure.  You could feel your own spend smearing and wetting the bed beneath you as it slowly leaked out of your satisfied cunt.  You looked down at his now softening cock, glistening in the morning light from your arousal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” he said after a moment.  You looked up at him and he looked over at you.  You don’t know where it came from or why the feeling came over you, but you burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.  He quickly followed suit, the two of you tossing and turning on your bed as you laughed.  Tears were stinging your eyes and your stomach ached from how hard you shook with joy.  The sound of him cracking up just made you laugh even harder and you were thrown into another painful fit of giggles.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally though, the two of you wiped your tears as your laughter faded, and you found yourselves looking at each other again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, focus.  I know you can do it.” Anakin encouraged.  Your eyes were squeezed shut in concentration and beads of sweat rolled down your face and tickled your skin.  You fought the urge to reach up and wipe them away, but you couldn’t do that without dropping the ship entirely.  Taking a deep breath and reaffirming your energy towards the ship, your grip tightened and it lifted much easier.  “That’s it.” he said with growing excitement.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could feel it now.  You could feel the ship as if it was sitting in the palm of your hand and weighed nothing.  You were finally able to understand this aspect of the Force now.  You were beginning to see that you should apply the same technique as lifting smaller objects to this and not judge things by their size.  In doing so, in already knowing you were going to fail but trying nonetheless and see if you surprise yourself, your failure was then inevitable.  But, going into it with confidence, not underestimating or overestimating what you were facing and lifting it like it was just a rock, you could just do it.  There was no trying, only doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You slowly opened your eyes, trying to keep from breaking your focus but wanting to see the ship being suspended into the air from your own doing.  The ship was floating about two feet in the air and rotating slowly.  A smile creeped it’s way onto your face and you looked up at Anakin who was smiling proudly towards the floating ship.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You turned your attention towards the ship once more and closed your eyes to focus on setting it down on the ground gently.  Flexing your hands and tilting your head just slightly you were able to set it back down.  Once the ship had settled into place, you let go of your hold and slowly opened your eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did it.” you said, in awe.  “I did it.” you repeated, looking up at him in disbelief.  He stuck his hand out to help you stand.  You took it and he crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll make a Jedi out of you yet.” he said. You blushed and looked down, still not one to take praise well.  “I think we should celebrate.” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No that’s okay-” you started to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t celebrating you,” he said.  The two of you were walking back towards the house now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re celebrating me, on a job well done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what exactly did you do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I taught you everything you know.” he said.  You rolled your eyes and smiled, bumping your shoulder into his arm.  He looked down at you and smiled too, wrapping his arm around you.  You melted into his embrace as your heart began to swell in your chest.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>No attachments.</span>
  </em>
  <span>  The voice in your head screamed at you.  Your smile dropped abruptly and you pulled away from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t be upset with him.  He wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary.  Before when he did this it would feel platonic and you’d yearn for more.  Now that you knew all that you did and experienced what you had this morning, this innocent side hug felt more charged.  Charged with something incredibly forbidden in the Order.  You really couldn’t do this.  The sex you could do, you could do that all day long, but being friendly with him would no longer be an option it seemed.  Normal stuff like this would become more powerful considering the context of your new relationship with your Master.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t betray the Order like this.  You couldn’t, in good conscience continue this dangerous game with your Master.  The Order had given you everything, the Order had saved you from your previous life.  You had been a slave, and now, while you still didn’t feel totally free, at least you served a higher purpose and had some sort of individuality.  You had only wished you’d had more willpower before this had all gone too far.  You had made a mistake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You realized this just with that quick warmth in your heart and you didn’t think you could actually do this.  You couldn’t keep having sex with him and getting to see all these sides of him and then still not fall in love with him and become attached.  Apparently all it took for everything to fall apart was him wrapping his arm around you.  That’s all he needed to keep doing and you’d fall in love with him.  You were weak and this was risky.  You couldn’t go on like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually Master,” you said, your head hanging low.  “I think I’m just going to bathe and call it a day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is something wrong?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, nothing is wrong.” you said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t lie to me.” he grabbed your arm as you were stepping up to the porch, stopping on a step higher than him, your eyelines becoming even.  You ripped your arm out of his hold and looked him in the eye with a slight scowl.  “Is this about this morning?” he asked softly, his face showing concern and worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” you said quickly.  “Yes, I don’t know.” you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose.  “I just don’t feel good about lying to the Order.” you said.  “They gave me everything.” you looked away, pushing down the pent up emotion that was beginning to rise inside you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not lying if they don’t ask.  And they have no reason to suspect anything.” he said.  You shot him a look of disgust.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is this not affecting you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who says it isn’t.” he said, darkly.  You sighed, feeling like you were about to have the same argument you had had with him before.  “Look, I don’t want to put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable.” he said quietly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know you don’t.”  You looked at him now.  “I just don’t think this is a good idea.” you admitted softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about this morning,” he grabbed your hands in his.  “Was that not worth it?  Did that not make this all okay?” he asked.  You knew he was really asking about himself.  You knew he was asking if you thought </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasn’t worth it.  It was a bitter truth, but while the Order gave you life, Anakin was merely your attractive Jedi Master.  He couldn’t take priority over the Jedi Order.  Your allegiance to them had to come first.  Your life began and ended with the Order and nothing or no one else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked away now, not able to answer his question.  He dropped your hands and brought them up to cup your face and forced you to look at him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Answer me.” he pleaded.  His eyes were filled with pain and you couldn’t speak, your answer would only make it worse.  He took your silence as the answer and let go of your face, looking away from you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You still couldn’t speak.  You stayed put as he walked up the steps past you and into the house, leaving you on the porch steps, alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You were trying to sleep, to put this day behind you, but you were struggling to succumb to slumber and sweet merciful unconsciousness.  You were tossing and turning, the friction of your skin against the sheets was warming the bed to an uncomfortable temperature.  You had flipped your pillow too many times that both sides were now warm and offered no cool solace.  You kicked the covers off your body in frustration and laid there seething as your damp skin clung to your sleep clothes, further irritating you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t like how you left things with Anakin and it was worrying you.  You didn’t want your friendship ruined by your actions that morning.  It was your fault for breaking your resolve and provoking him anyways.  You should be apologizing to him.  You should apologize for what you have done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s at least what your intention was as you made your way into his room in the middle of the night, woke him, fell into his arms, and pressed your lips against his.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't even know how to wrap this up.  This is a long one for sure and there is so much back and forth, but I think that shows how much the reader is struggling with this.  At least I hope that is what I'm getting across here.  Also, I thought I knew how this story was going to end (not for a while thought don't worry there is so much I want to do with this story before that happens) but this chapter made me second guess that ending.  Either way, I promise I have a plan and I won't do you wrong!  I'm going to do what is best for this story.<br/>Also, all of your comments have been so freaking sweet and unreal.  You guys have made me cry tears of joy with all your kind words so thank you!  I love hearing what you think about the story so keep 'em coming!<br/>I don't know when the next chapter will be up since Christmas is coming soon.  I am assuming sometime after it though but I'll do my best.<br/>I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! As always let me know what you thought and I hope you are all happy, healthy, and safe and have a happy holiday.  much love xxxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Mutual Addiction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How could you think that this isn’t worth it?  How could you think that the feeling of his cock pounding away into your pussy wasn’t enough to risk the world, the galaxy for?  If only orgasms didn’t exist.  If only endings weren’t real.  You’d want to be right here, in this moment, forever.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took a bit longer to get out.  The holidays happened and even though I knew what I wanted to happen in this one, it was difficult to write for some reason.  Nevertheless, I got it out and I hope you like it!  Also, Happy New Year!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He was holding you tightly against his body as you laid on top of him, kissing him with all you had in you.  The last time you had kissed was only that morning, but it felt like a lifetime since you’d last had your lips on his.  You were quickly discovering that kissing him was addicting and that the rest of the world would fade and all your attention and affection would be focused on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hands were roaming your back, lifting your shirt up so he could touch your heated skin.  It’s like he couldn’t get enough of you either.  His hands were all over your back.  Leather and skin grazing across yours and reminding you of his passion for you by way the heat radiated off of him and into your soul.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were okay with this, even though you shouldn’t be.  You were okay with him owning you in this way, owning your body.  He couldn’t have your mind, or your heart.  This was all he could have and it was all you were going to give him.  You were going to give it to him and fuck, did you want him to give you his body too.  If that’s all you could have of one another, you were going to be damn sure you took good care of your Master.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your hands were cupping his face, devouring his lips with yours.  Your tongue slipped into his mouth and rubbed up against his, bringing it out so you could swirl around it, slowly, getting a feel and a taste in such a vulgar way.  You licked his tongue and sucked it into your mouth.  He groaned and lent forward, capturing your bottom lip between his teeth and tugged.  His hands then came down and rested on your ass, gripping it firmly and pulled you closer to him.  You moved your mouth lower and down towards his neck.  You kissed the side of it, pinching his skin carefully between your teeth and running your tongue over the skin.  He groaned again and gripped your ass even harder, pulling you against his hardening dick.  You exhaled softly into his ear and he flipped you over so you were now lying on your back beneath him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to make up your mind.” he said breathlessly, tugging your shirt off your body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I’m sorry.” you let him pull it off you and his mouth immediately latched onto one of your nipples.  Your hands shot to his hair, gripping it tightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay.” he mumbled against your breast.  He sucked your nipple into his mouth and scrapped his teeth over it gently.  His tongue flicked it back and forth and you could feel the hot moisture of his mouth wetting your skin and making your insides burst into flames.  He pulled away and blew cool air onto it and caused it to pebble.  A shiver ran down your spine and you watched as he sat back and pulled his shirt off, staring at you with dark eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck.” you said.  How could a being be as attractive and sexy as him?  You’d never felt such desperation to just press your body against another person’s before.  You were losing your sanity just by the sight of his bare torso and dark eyes, lighting up the room.  You genuinely couldn’t handle it.  You wanted to smother him and devour him all at once.  Your feelings were so strong you were sure you were projecting your attraction through to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sucked in a deep breath, as if breathing in your arousal and letting it fuel him.  He had closed his eyes and breathed in through his nose, his nostrils flaring slightly.  When he opened his eyes they were practically glowing despite their color being almost pitch black.  The tiniest sliver of blue was visible around the edge of his enlarged pupils.  He just looked so capable.  Capable of tearing you apart and building you back up again.  He looked at you as if he knew everything about you and everything you needed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You whimpered at his intense gaze and arched your back, reminding him of how needy for him you are.  He sucked in another breath and spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want this?” he asked, his voice dark and raspy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” you said breathlessly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.  Say it.” he nodded towards you.  You looked into his eyes and took a deep breath of your own.  You knew what he wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you, Anakin.  I want you.” you said.  He smirked and your breathing picked up once more as he began to move.  Your chest moved quickly up and down, your pert nipples coming into your field of vision as you looked down at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You groaned as he moved further down the bed and further down your body.  You knew what he was going to do and your mind literally couldn’t comprehend it.  You felt like you were going to explode and implode at the same time.  Your Master, the man you had been fantasizing about for years was about to put his mouth on you.  He was going to taste you.  You wanted to experience this fully.  You wanted to hear him say it, like he had just done with you.  You wanted him to speak into fruition what was happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Anakin,” you gasped as he pulled your pants and underwear off your body, leaving you bare and dripping before him.  “Fuck, tell me- tell me what you’re doing.”  He smirked at you, knowing what you needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m about to put your pretty clit in my mouth, little one.  You want me to do that?  Hm?” he spoke with each word getting closer and closer to your wet heat.  You gasped and moaned out into the room, your mind going into a frenzy.  The only thing you could comprehend was how badly you needed a release, how badly you needed to cum.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my Force, yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes what?” he snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master, please.” you begged him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck.” he said to himself.  You were gone, long gone.  Your mind had flitted away and left your body to fend for itself.  You had no control over your thoughts or actions, the only thing that consumed you was your desire for him.  He must have picked up on how lost you were, entranced by your desperate need for him and no longer wanted to keep you waiting.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began by pressing his flat tongue against your center and you inhaled a shaky, sharp breath.  Your hands gripped the sheets tightly, your knuckles turning white and he kept his tongue still but moved his head up and down slowly to drag across your clit.  Your back arched in a painful snap as he began to stiffen his tongue and swirl it around your clit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could feel his eyes burning into you but yours were squeezed shut, your body was forcing itself deeper into the mattress to try and ground yourself in the moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His tongue then dipped lower and circled your entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm,” he hummed.  “You taste so good, my Padawan.  Are you wet for your Master?” he asked.  You could only groan and nod.  You felt a slight smack on your thigh, causing your eyes to open.  “Answer me.” he spat against your cunt.  You knew he was playing it up for you and you loved it.  You loved him being so aggressive and dirty with you.  It just felt so wrong and because of that it felt so good.  You weren’t one to crave danger but in this context it was the most addicting thing you could possibly risk everything for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, yes Master.  It’s all for you.”  you spoke in a whiny high pitched voice.  You felt him shudder through the Force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good girl.”  His tongue finally dipped inside you and you cried out.  Your hands shot down to his hair but before you could reach it he stopped you with the Force, moving your arms up and above your head to keep you pinned in place.  You whined loudly at his show of dominance and skill and your cunt clenched around his tongue.  He hummed as he lapped up your arousal.  His grip on your hips was harsh.  His fingertips dug into your skin but you welcomed the marks they would bring with elation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here he was, devouring your pussy with his mouth while at the same time concentrating on the Force enough to keep your hands pinned above your head.  You arched into his mouth further since you couldn’t drag him by his hair to bring him closer to you and his grip on your hips tightened.  He groaned against you and you gasped at the vibrations it shot up your spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been wanting to put my mouth on you for so long you have no idea.” he spoke, looking up at you and licking a long line up your slit as you whimpered looking down at him.  “I’ve been dying to get you to fall apart like this,” he stuck his tongue out and pressed it against your clit. “On my tongue.” he spoke, that last part sounding like, “Ah my ‘ongue.” as he kept his tongue pressed against you.  You shivered and let your head fall back as he continued to lick and poke around your clit.  You could feel his arousal for you through the Force and it was driving you mad.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You needed more friction, you needed it to be rougher.  You wanted him to take out all of that pent up sexual frustration on you right then and there.  You wanted him to fucking oblierate you but you couldn’t move.  He still had your arms pinned with the Force.  And even though you could probably get out of it that wouldn’t be an option right now as you wouldn’t be able to concentrate hard enough.  His skill with his tongue was too much of a distraction for you to form so much as a coherent thought let alone break a Force hold from a powerful Jedi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You groaned as he only continued sucking around your clit and your cunt clenched around nothing, weeping for something to grab onto and fill it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” you gasped.  “Anakin please.”  He looked up at you through his lashes, showing he was listening but wasn’t stopping the movements of his tongue and lips.  You shivered.  “More, please.” you begged.  He pulled away slightly so he could speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She wants more, hmm?” with each word his lips brushed across your clit painfully and your body jerked at the sensation, feeling so incredibly tight and wound up and yet not tight enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master.  Please.” his eyes narrowed slightly at you with you calling him by his title.  Still, he didn’t move yet.  He seemed to be thinking for a moment.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came in and out of your field of vision, your breasts blocking him from your view with each deep, excited breath you took.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he lifted two gloved fingers and put them into his mouth and slowly dragged them out while keeping eye contact with you.  You were still breathing rapidly but lifted your head up high enough so you could see him better.  He brought those two fingers down towards your center and slowly pushed them inside you.  You cried out in pleasure; your head fell back and your eyes slid shut at the feeling.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wiggled his thick digits inside you and began suckling at your clit again.  Pleasure blinded you.  The darkness behind your closed eyelids was now a bright white as the icy burn of pleasure shot down to your toes and made them curl.  You fought against his Force hold still on your arms and whined and moaned as your head rocked back and forth.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pleasure was overwhelming.  You had never had such stimulation, such attention, before.  That same focus and drive that he showed on the battlefield was now being used against you to bring you closer and closer to the edge.  You now almost sympathized with the Separatists who went into battle against him and his devotion and motivation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was incredibly precise about his movements, twisting and turning his fingers inside you while licking and sucking on your clit in harmony with his hand.  The hand that was on your hip slid up your body and began to pinch and pull at one of your nipples and you knew then you were a goner.  He has used every move, every tactic, every option and battle plan to bring you to release.  You had no choice but to surrender to him and his power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” you gasped.  “Ohhhhhh fuck,” you whined and came on his face.  You could hear the lewd sounds of your cunt clenching around his slick leather bound fingers and sucking him further into your body as you spasmed around them.  You felt him exhale onto your clit and gently pull his mouth away so as not to overstimulate you.  The pinching on your nipple changed into a full hand groping of your breast.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your spasms slowed and lessened in intensity and his hold on you with the Force was released.  Your hands stayed above your head though, you were too tired to even bother with moving them now.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he pulled his fingers out of you he made sure to scoop up your arousal and brought it up and into his mouth where he sucked.  You whined and closed your eyes, not able to withstand seeing him do that.  You had never cum so hard in your life and you didn’t know if you’d ever even need to again.  But as he moaned at the taste of your spend and licked and kissed his way back up your body, and as you felt his erection pressing into your hip, you were suddenly hungry and ready for more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You taste,” he brought his fingers down to your slit and swiped at your weeping entrance causing you to gasp and shudder.  He brought his fingers up to his mouth once more and cleaned your slick off his fingers again.  “Addicting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grabbed his face now that you had movement in your arms again and brought him to your mouth.  You tasted yourself on his tongue and you groaned.  He began maneuvering his way out of his pants and threw them on the floor while keeping his lips against yours.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dragged you down to the edge of the bed so he was standing over you.  He grabbed your legs and bent them so your knees were resting closer to your shoulders, opening yourself up to him completely.  He looked down at how open you were for him and he groaned.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knew he could see how swollen your clit was, how puffy your lower lips were, and how wet you shined, all for him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His non gloved hand came down and ran over everything.  He pushed two fingers inside you and you moaned, your back arching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at you,” he sneered.  “So needy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gasped.  “Yes, Master.  Need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his fingers out and gripped his cock.  He angled his hips towards yours and pushed the tip in.  He then thrust all the way in with one movement and you both moaned loudly into the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.” he groaned.  You could only respond with a high pitched whine as he began to move inside your delicate heat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began thrusting into you, starting off slowly and picking up speed as he went.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You’d never get tired of this.  This felt even better than the first time.  How could you think that this isn’t worth it?  How could you think that the feeling of his cock pounding away into your pussy wasn’t enough to risk the world, the galaxy for?  If only orgasms didn’t exist.  If only endings weren’t real.  You’d want to be right here, in this moment, forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This moment, where his fingers dug into the back of your thighs to keep you still so he could just use your hole for his cock to pound into.  This moment, where his pleasure ridden face looked down at you, his lip bitten, his eyes dark, his forehead sweaty.  This moment, where his balls slapped your ass and echoed throughout the room with your moans and the sound of your wetness sloshing around his cock.  He was a dream and a nightmare.  Your life began and ended with him, at least for right now, in this moment.  Nothing else existed but him and the pleasure he gave you.  You may regret that thought later, but right now he was all you could think of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could feel yourself approaching your second release already, having been so wound up to begin with.  You didn’t want to cum.  You didn’t want this to end.  You wanted to be built up to climax forever and ever.  Sensing this though, he wasn’t going to make it easy on you.  He brought a hand down and began to rub harshly against your clit.  You cried out into the room and sucked in a deep breath of air at the sudden flash of pleasure he brought you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” he encouraged.  “Cum for me.  I wanna feel you cum around me.” he spoke.  You could feel it happening.  Your abdomen clenched tightly as your insides heated up.  “Give me another.”  You gripped his forearm and braced as a powerful orgasm washed through you.  It was almost painful in its power.  Your walls squeezed the life out of his cock as he thrust into you faster to get you to cum harder around him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You gasped as your body finally stopped spasming around him and he pulled out quickly, dipping his head down and sliding his tongue between your folds and inside you.  He chuckled at the sound of you panting beneath him as his mouth was on you.  You groaned as you felt him sucking up your cum, lapping at your entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck, Anakin.” you gasped.  He came up, slapped your ass and slid back into you, and began pounding mercilessly.  You thought he was ruthless with his movements before but apparently you were mistaken.  This man was a machine.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this worth it?  Huh?” he asked in between ragged breaths.  Your eyes were squeezed tightly shut, beginning to feel oversensitized from his attention on you.  You nodded though, having never felt such pleasure, knowing you were now addicted to it, to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” you took in a sharp breath and opened your eyes to look at him.  “Fuck, Anakin.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your decision, little one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, Anakin.  I choose you.  Please don’t stop.”  He grunted but pulled out of you.  You gasped at the sudden loss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep saying it.” he said quickly, jerking himself off over your stomach.  You hadn’t realized how close he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I choose you, Anakin.  You’re worth it.” you spoke it what you hope sounded like sincere sexiness.  He groaned and came on your stomach.  The warmth of his seed on your skin felt good and you sighed at the sensation.  When he finished you brought a finger down and scooped up some of his spend, bringing it to your mouth to suck on.  You closed your eyes and hummed at the taste and he collapsed next to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re fucking amazing.” he said breathlessly.  “We really need to make this a regular thing.” he said, turning to you.  You laughed and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sir.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of a communicator going off jolted you awake.  You had been laying on your stomach, half of your body was falling off the bed and there was drool leaking out of your mouth and onto the pillow beneath your head.  You had been dead asleep; apparently you were so worn out and comforted by the presence of your Master that your body completely shut down to recharge and rest.  You hadn’t slept so deeply in years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You grunted as you opened your eyes and took in a quick breath, trying to become aware of your surroundings.  Wiping the drool from your chin and lip and looking around for the communicator that was currently blaring throughout the room.  Anakin was somehow still asleep and you grabbed his arm and rocked him gently.  His hair was a mess and his mouth was hanging open.  At another time you would have admired him for longer but right now you needed him awake and conscious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin, wake up.” you whispered.  He didn’t stir.  “Anakin.” you said with your full voice now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.” he groaned, sounding half asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your comms is going off.” you said, looking around for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you answer it?” he said, his voice dragging and muffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> comms.” you said, locating it and leaning across him and grabbing the device from his bedside table and holding it out for him.  He huffed and grabbed it, his eyes still closed.  He hit the center button.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, what is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin.  Is your Padawan with you?” it was Mace Windu.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have a need for the two of you.  I’m afraid Master Kenobi has been captured by Count Dooku.” your heart sank as you heard these words and Anakin was wide awake now, sitting up fully in bed and looking at the communicator intently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you need us to do?” Anakin asked, all business.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be sending your command ship to pick you up and take you to Geonosis where he is being held.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have a ship here we can just leave now, it will be much faster that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Use that then, your fleet will meet you at Geonosis.  The only objective is to get him and get out.  Forget about capturing or pursuing Dooku.  We will deal with him at another time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget about Dooku?” Anakin asked, a rising edge in his voice.  Windu didn’t respond.  You knew what was coming.  You wanted to reach out and stop your Master from speaking further, but you knew that would just upset him.  “That is outrageous.  We can’t just forget about Dooku, not after all he has done; he has Obi-Wan.  He must face the consequences and we’ll be there to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Skywalker.” Windu cut him off.  “This matter is not up to you.  We have our reasons.  You and your Padawan will do as you are told.  Get Obi-Wan out of there and do </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.  Is that understood, young Skywalker?” you could practically feel Anakin’s blood boiling inside his body.  Steam could be rolling off his skin in waves and hazing the room with the heat of his anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Understood.” he spoke through gritted teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May the Force be with you, then.” Master Windu said.  He shut the communicator off but didn’t move, he just sat there, seething.  You could feel his anger rising through the Force and it worried you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” you said gently, reaching out a hand to him.  He swatted it and turned away from you.  The sting of his rejection hurt more than your hand but you shook it off for now, his own emotions were more important than yours at the moment.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You had felt him like this before and good things never came from it.  You knew your Master was very untraditional in his ways as a Jedi and it worried you sometimes.  It was also another reason why you wondered the Counsel had put you with him in the first place.  Sometimes he did let his emotions get the better of him, sometimes he was more passionate than he should be, and he would always end up in trouble with the Counsel from what he would do.  How could they put you with someone so unpredictable?  You felt that the Counsel would have chosen someone more rational like Obi-Wan himself or even Master Unduli; someone more level headed to deal with the delicate balance you were trying to keep as you first started out.  You guessed it had worked out in the end as most of your energy had to be focused on keeping up with your Master.  Maybe that was why they had paired you with him.  As you sat here with him in this situation though, you again wished you had gotten someone else.  Life would have been so much easier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knew, though, that he could be more successful within the Jedi if he would just slow down and listen and not get so emotional.  Although you had seen your Master do unspeakable things, and even sometimes those things felt justified, they were not the Jedi way, and therefore unjustifiable.  The Counsel could never know of some of the despicable things he’s done, if they did he would surely be kicked out of the Jedi Order altogether.  It suddenly hit you that he was now not the only one you had to worry about in that sense anymore.  The fact that his spend was still on your stomach and crusty on your skin was evidence of your own worthy dismissal.  But, right now, with his Master captured, you knew you needed to calm him down.  Otherwise, he could do something that would get him kicked out of the Order altogether.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Master-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have Obi-Wan.” he sneered, still facing away from you. “They never listen to me.  They treat me like a kid.  I have my own damn Padawan doesn’t that mean anything?  I know what I’m doing and they should just trust me.  They should have more faith in me.” he shook his head quickly as his words died down.  “They have Obi-Wan.” he said again, more quietly this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obi-Wan is very capable.” you said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yet he was captured.” he turned to you, glaring daggers into your face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They won’t do anything to him.” you said, inching closer to him.  “You know they won’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t understand Dooku.” he said.  You took a breath.  He was right, you didn’t know Dooku.  You had never faced him much less met him.  He was a dangerous man, you knew that much, and your lack of knowledge on him worried you, especially with the way Anakin was talking and acting.  If he was this concerned and upset it must be for good reason.  Maybe you should be worried too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have Obi-Wan,” you spoke, reaching a hand out for him again.  He didn’t swat it away but he didn’t exactly welcome it either, he simply allowed you to place your palm on his back.  “But we are going to save him.  The ship will be here soon and then we will be on our way to Geonosis where we will rescue him and bring him back with us, to safety.  He just has to hang on a little bit longer and we will be there to save him.  You will be able to protect him, Anakin.” he took a deep breath as he listened to your words.  His intense emotions that you could feel through the Force began to slowly fade as he looked over to you and nodded.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You looked at him for a moment, you couldn’t hide the concerned look on your face and you watched as tears began to well up in his eyes.  His bottom lip quivered and the sight ripped all the air from your lungs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t lose him.” he spoke, his voice breaking into a whisper as he choked out the words.  You swallowed hard, wishing you could do more to ease his worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay.  Big, BIG things are coming, you guys.  I got some smut out in these last couple chapters so be prepared for a ton of plot in these next ones.  I have been brainstorming so much for this story and I am so excited about the ideas that I have come up with.  I have some fun stuff planned so I hope you will like it.  Of course I'll have some smut mixed in with things, but this is the first fic where I have been so excited to write plot and so many other things.  More will be revealed in time, my friends.  I am working on 7 now and hopefully that won't take as long to write.  Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one and I hope you are all happy, healthy, and safe.  As always, let me know what you think!  Much love xxxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Failure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In hours you had allowed anger and vengeance and attachment to completely ruin you.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!  Sorry this took so long to get out but here it is!  I hope you enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You take that corridor, I’ll take this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Master.” Those words felt surprisingly normal coming from your lips.  You’d thought they would taste tainted after the way you had used them, in two different bedrooms, in ways you didn’t think had ever been spoken by a Jedi before.  This situation demanded more of a level head though and you were able to put all of that aside for the time being.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps this could be okay.  Perhaps your secret “attachments” could go unnoticed and without hinderance to your work as a Jedi.  Although, a rising anger wouldn’t be happening inside you had you not woken up in his bed that morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were pissed off.  You hated seeing your Master upset in any capacity, but the sheer vulnerability that he showed, the fear that he displayed made you want to ring Dooku’s neck and whoever was involved.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You knew how much Obi-Wan meant to Anakin.  Even though you didn’t know too much about his past, you knew enough to know that Obi-Wan was the only family that Anakin felt he had.  Despite the Chancellor of course.  While Chancellor Palpatine had always been civil and nice to you, you still didn’t understand why Anakin was so close to him.  You had always felt off around the man.  It started when he had given you a gift that no one in the Jedi Council could have in the form of a Force healing book and since then you were weary of his intentions.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the day you had been assigned to Anakin as his Padawan.  The Chancellor wanted to privately congratulate you by taking you to his main work chambers and give you the book.  You were grateful for the sentiment but put off reading it until not that long ago.  For starters you'd never really had the time to read it as there were so many other required readings already and that’s not to mention the fact that there is a war going on and you are needed on that front.  You only had time to train and fight, reading for pleasure was not part of those priorities.  You had only gotten the time on Naboo to finally read the Chancellor’s book.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You had always wondered where he could acquire a book on Force healing, but you just chalked it up to him being the Supreme Chancellor, surely he had oodles of money to spend and people to get him things.  And even though you weren’t sure if the Council would approve of such knowledge seeing as the idea to save someone from death isn’t the natural will of the Force, you had only intended to use the chapters strictly on how to heal someone should that ever come up.  If a Jedi can spend a week in a bacta tank to heal, what’s a few moments of Force energy transfer?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, you just could not really get as close to the Chancellor as Anakin seemed to be.  You kept your hesitations about Anakin’s friend to yourself so as not to offend him and to stay on the Chancellor’s good side, but you weren’t going to lie, you really didn’t like Anakin’s closeness with the Chancellor and you knew that the rest of the Council didn’t either.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That anxiety, on top of all the other worries you had for and about your Master, was finally filling to the brim and was beginning to spill over in the form of anger.  As this mission began, you were determined to make him proud, to make him feel relief, to make him feel happy.  Afterall, you were more powerful in the Force than you had ever been.  Your new knowledge mixed with your unbridled power was beginning to make you feel invincible.  No one here would be able to touch you.  You wanted to rescue Obi-Wan of course, but if you happened to come across someone else... perhaps then you’d have to show off all this new power.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You began to walk away in search of this when he grabbed your arm.  He pulled you towards him so he was close to you, but not too close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyeline was now even with his lips and you got the overwhelming desire to kiss him.  They were just so plush and with the knowledge of knowing exactly how they felt pressed up against yours made you crave them that much more.  You wanted to kiss him.  You wanted to press your body against his and get lost in him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lifted your eyes to look into his asking permission to do so.  You realized he did not share this same desire.  He was looking at you intently, seriously and you furrowed your brows slightly in concern.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please be safe.” he ordered quietly.  Your gut reaction was to say something sarcastic and snarky as you normally would, but seeing the look on his face and the way he was gripping your arm so tightly in his hand made you feel that wasn’t really appropriate.  He was so worried about Obi-Wan and it was evident he was worried about you too.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been virtually silent on the journey here and practically hadn’t said a word up until this point.  He had no troopers to order around as it was supposed to be as quiet a mission as possible.  They were secretly orbiting the planet though should something go wrong.  So you knew he was bottling up his emotions and you worried for him and what could happen to him.  The least you could do was give him one less thing to worry about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You nodded at him.  “I will.” you said with a serious look on your face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded back at you and let go of your arm, and backed away.  You watched as he kept his body towards you until the last possible second where he had to turn away and ran down the corridor.  You took a deep breath and turned, running in the opposite direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were angry.  Angry at Count Dooku for capturing Obi-Wan in the first place, and angry with the Council for not really caring that Dooku could be held responsible and yet is practically off the hook for everything he has done.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not only has Dooku captured Obi-Wan, but he is also the one orchestrating and prolonging this war.  He betrayed the Republic, the Jedi and even is the reason that Anakin has a metal hand.  And yet, after all of that, the Council just wants him to essentially be let off the hook and face no consequences when you had the opportunity to serve justice.  You could take him.  You could deal with him yourself.  After having seen what this decision did to Anakin, you were thirsty for vengeance and to prove your worth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were upset with the Council yourself too though.  You didn’t understand why you shouldn’t at least try and capture him.  Trusting the Council is something you have been trying to do for the longest time, but when they make decisions like this it's really hard to do that wholeheartedly.  It's worse when they don’t offer explanations, like you’re a child and wouldn’t understand.  It’s almost as if that lack of trust went both ways.  You were beginning to empathize more and more with Anakin and the struggles he faces with the Council too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a good feeling though.  You felt sick to your stomach that you were so distrustful of the Council and craving to seek revenge, but you felt that Dooku at least deserved his due diligence and you wanted to be the one to give it to him.  The Council would be horrified at you right now.  All you could think about was decapitating the man in front of your Master.  You just wanted to see Anakin happy and carefree, like he had been on Naboo.  You wanted to be the one to give that to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You want so many things when Jedi should want for nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your footsteps were soft and barely made any noise and you snuck down the corridor.  You kept trying to reach out with your feelings to sense Obi-Wan but it was getting difficult to concentrate as those thoughts of revenge fueled the anger that was rising within you.  That difficulty made you more frustrated and only added to that fire.  Something within you was fading but you had no time to worry about that, you were too distracted by your own emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were reaching a breaking point.  The anger was plateauing and you could feel it heating up your body.  You had to release this aggression somehow and in a split second of passion you reached out and punched the metal wall next to you, causing the whole thing to shake and rattle.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You leant against the wall now pressing your forehead against it and allowed the metal to cool your heated skin.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, you felt it.  It was a bit further down, and you knew you should turn back and avoid it, but you remembered the turmoil that it had caused to your Master.  The agony and the fear he is going through is all because of this.  Against your better judgement, you clenched your fist and ran towards it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The plan had been to split up, you going in one direction and your Master going in the other.  The idea was that you’d be able to find Obi-Wan faster that way and get out without a trace.  The plan had been to get Obi-Wan and get out, nothing else.  However, as you approached the door, the one you’d been looking for, an intense rage coursed through your veins.  You knew who was on the other side of it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t stick to the plan.  You shrugged off your long hooded robe and left it on the floor.  You stood tall and firm and mustered all the strength the Force would give you.  You were confident you could do this.  You had progressed so much on Naboo and you were surely capable of doing this.  You reached out with the Force and hit the button on the panel, opening the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It slid open, revealing a handful of Commander droids scattered throughout a control room.  There were two MagnaGuards towards the center of the room.  And at the very center, stood Count Dooku.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked you up and down and you sneered at him, trying your best not to jump and attack him right then and there.  The Republic would want him alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny,” he said.  “I thought Skywalker would be the one to come here to try and kill me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought wrong, Count.  You’re gonna pay for what you did to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.  The fire of the Padawan.  Did your Master tell you to come here alone, or was this something you thought of yourself?” he asked.  You didn’t answer.  You could sense something terrible about to transpire, but you still didn’t back down.  “Surely he wouldn’t throw you to the rathtars like this.” he smiled a sick grimace towards you.  You stood firm and he began to look you up and down.  “Hmmm.” he seemed to be gauging you now.  “I can feel your anger, little one.  Perhaps you’d like to join me and end this wretched war.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will do no such thing.” you spat, your eyes narrowed on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pity,” he said, taking a step back.  “I sense much power in you, young one.  Power much like your Master.  Let’s see if he’s taught you well.”  He made a gesture with his hand and the two MagnaGuards ignited their staffs and twirled them in the air as they moved towards you.  You snarled and reached for your lightsaber, igniting it, and jumping towards the guards with a yell and began to battle.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You started off strong, slicing one of the guards from its shoulder down to its opposite hip joint, destroying it.  The second one was a bit smarter.  It met each of your attacks with the end of it’s staff, the noise of the weapons colliding was buzzing loudly in your ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You could see the droid’s moves before they happened, a skill taught to you by your Master.  A vulnerable spot opened and you were able to slice through the guard and it fell to the floor in two useless piles of metal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You turned to the Count, pointing your green saber towards his face.  Its energy hummed throughout the now quiet room.  That and the sound of your quick breaths were all that could be heard.  Sweat was dripping down the side of your cheek, down from your temple to your jaw.  You were breathing heavily but you had never felt so alive, so capable.  You felt like you could actually take him, you felt like you’d be able to subdue him and present him to the Council.  At the very least you could get away having successfully distracted him from Obi-Wan’s rescue. Maybe this was your trial, your moment to become a fully fledged Jedi Knight.  You imagined the look on Anakin’s face as you met up with him at the ship dragging Dooku behind you in binders.  He’d be so proud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Impressive.” he spoke.  He shrugged off his own cloak and reached for the curved hilt of his lightsaber, twirled it and then brought it to his side, pointing it towards the floor.  “But let’s test your limits.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You underestimate me.” you spoke with a fury, saber still pointed towards him.  He was slowly advancing closer to you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> In preparation for battle you should be calming your breaths and centering yourself in the Force.  You should be letting go of your feelings and listen to the will of the Force and let it guide your actions.  Instead, you were so blinded by rage that you were stuck with your eyes on Dooku and waiting for his next move.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Passion and anger rather than calm and peace filled your veins and it was a feeling unlike anything you’d ever experienced.  You can do this.  You can beat Dooku.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You overestimate yourself, young Padawan.” he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh I don’t think so.” you snarled.  His lightsaber moved and yours came up to meet it.  You yelled with a fury and glared at his face as your sabers crackled and hummed against one another, illuminating your face with the contrasting colors.  You could feel how strong he was with the Dark Side and even though you were confident you could beat him, you knew it would take all your focus to bring him down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard to focus though when all you could think about was revenge.  All you wanted to do was avenge Obi-Wan’s capture and make right the turmoil he had put in your Master.  But everything felt off.  You didn’t feel energized and powerful.  Instead each of your movements drained you as you tried to move through the Force as you normally would.  It was like you were trying to move through water and everything took that much more effort.  Something was blocking you from your connection to the Force.  This made you angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You must know you cannot win.” he said.  Your sabers were by your sides as you walked in circles around one another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can and I will.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re too unskilled.” he said.  “You aren’t powerful enough.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You lunged towards him.  He lifted his saber to block yours from coming down onto his head.  You could feel the heat above you from your sabers connecting and he thrust you away with it.  There was a large ammo box in the corner of the room and he used the Force to lift it and throw it towards you.  You disengaged your saber and reached out to catch it.  It stopped in midair, just before it hit you and it took all of your strength and concentration to catch and hold it.  You grunted from the weight of it and redirected your stance so you could throw it towards him.  He didn’t even have to disengage his saber and deflected it with one hand.  You grabbed your saber again, ignited it and pointed it towards him, breathing heavier than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and disengaged his saber and put it back at his hip.  You didn’t move.  You kept your stance and your guard up as he looked at you.  He must be surrendering.  He must know he is no match for you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the end for you, Padawan.”  You looked at him confused for only a split second before your eyes went wide as a bright blue beam of lightning shot from his fingertips.  You screamed out in pain and fell to the floor as it hit you and knocked you down.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your saber disengaged and as you moved to place it securely to your hip, not wanting to lose it.  He hit you again with the bolts and the saber slipped from your hands as you curled in on yourself to protect yourself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was unlike anything you’d ever felt.  Your skin felt as though it was on fire while your insides buzzed and vibrated with an unnatural amount of power.  It was as if real electricity was shooting through your veins and making the blood inside your body boil.  It felt as though your brain, your eyes, your organs could explode at any moment, that with that blast your torture could end in a moment.  Instead, you were left on the precipice of relief, on the brink of an explosion as the lightning surrounded and penetrated your very soul, burning you from the inside out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stopped finally and you gasped to catch your breath.  The world was hazy now as smoke wafted from your skin like sweat.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathe.  Just breathe.  That was all you could do at the moment.  You heard sounds and felt the vibrations leave your vocal chords. Sounds of anguish and pain coming from your own throat.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You were moving in slow motion as your body fought to regain itself.  You couldn’t tell if you were actually underwater now or if your brain was playing tricks on you.  It really seemed as though you were underwater.  The small sounds in the room were muffled and your movements were slowed.  Your clear vision was replaced with a glassy film as everything seemed to move on their own.  There was something you needed to do though.  What was it?  Think.  Focus.  What did you need to do?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your eyes fluttered and your body shook with exhaustion as you came up to the surface sucking in deep breaths.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you lay there on the floor, your eyes finally focusing on the world, they landed on your lightsaber.  That’s what it was.  You need to keep that with you.  You need to strap that to your belt then you can go to sleep, then you can relax.  Grab your saber then take a nap.  You wanted to fall asleep without it though.  You just wanted to relax and slip into unconsciousness now, but you had to keep your saber with you.  The sound of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s voices telling you “This saber is your life.” echoed throughout your crispy head.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your arm shook as you reached out for it, finding it just out of your grasp.  You tried to wiggle your body close to it when something was stopping your arm.  You heard a crushing sound and it was only then that you realized Dooku was stepping on your wrist, destroying your comms and pain shot up and through your arm, making your shoulder blade tingle.  You yelled out in pain and squeezed your eyes shut.  The smell of burning flesh was beginning to make its way to your nose as your senses came back to you.  The scent made you want to throw up but all you could think about was getting your lightsaber.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah ah ah.” you heard his voice.  “You are in no condition for that.  Let’s see if we can’t… persuade you to reconsider your position.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You heard the words he spoke, but they didn’t register in your mind.  The room was spinning around you and the scent of your own burnt flesh was helping add to the dizziness you were experiencing.  You gave up trying to free your arm, your pain ending as he no longer sensed the fight in you trying to pull back.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your arm stayed outstretched towards your saber, your body facing it as a lone tear escaped your eye and down your temple towards the floor.  It was right there, it was so close.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s proximity was taunting.  The fact that he was no longer holding you back was insulting, yet you could do nothing about it.  You were paralyzed with exhaustion.  But your saber was right there, </span>
  <em>
    <span>right there</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  You knew that getting it and attaching it to your hip was as simple as wiggling your body about six inches and you'd have your hand wrapped around it.  Or, even still, calling it to your hand with the Force.  That was out of the question.  You felt no connection to the Force.  That tie had been severed the moment you thought of revenge.  The moment you thought you could beat him was when you had lost.  Forget the pain and the anguish you were experiencing physically; the most damaging part of this was the fact that you just weren’t good enough, and you thought you had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sounds of blaster fire blared in your ears.  They rang with the noise and the dust surrounding your tiny village was disorienting you.  All you could see were silhouettes of bodies and the bright flashes of red when someone fired a blaster.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All the dirt from the farms was being kicked up by all the slaves trying to get away and turned your tiny village into a muggy fog cloud.  You hoped your mother was running but you also hoped she had stayed behind and was looking for you.  You could only hope that she was somewhere other than inside your collapsed hut.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mama!” you screamed into the world, hoping she could hear you.  “Mama!” you screamed again.  You were stuck beneath a pile of rubble and you could tell your legs were scraped up badly underneath it; luckily, you could wiggle them under the rubble so nothing was broken.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You couldn’t break free.  If only you were stronger and could break free you could save her and escape.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mama!” you screamed.  The blaster fire ceased and the sudden silence made you feel uneasy.  “Mama?” you called again, a little quieter this time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You could see as the dust began to clear a figure was coming towards you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mama.” you called one last attempt.  Fear broke your voice into a whisper as the figure approached. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The figure was right in front of you now, it was a man in a long brown robe.  You looked up at him and swallowed hard.  Realizing your demise, you squeezed your eyes shut and waited for death.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After a moment, when nothing came, you opened them again.  Purple filled your field of vision and freed you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You sat cross legged on the floor, your hands bound in front of you.  They didn’t add extra restraints, they didn’t feel you needed them.  All the fight had left you and you didn’t see a point in trying to escape.  You knew you wouldn’t be able to do it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your faith in yourself had been completely shaken.  In flashes of anger and hate, you had lost yourself.  Years of patience and practice and being on the precipice of finality, you had lost everything.  Not only had you failed the Council and the entire population of the Jedi, you failed your Master, someone who had put in so much time to train you and teach you and build you up.  Why did these consequences have to affect more than just you?  Couldn’t you just be trapped here suffering with no repercussions to anyone else?  You knew they’d have to come find you now too.  The Jedi weren’t ones to give up easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obi-Wan could have been in the next door down; had you ignored your anger, you could have saved him and be on your way home by now.  But no.  You had to avenge your Master’s feelings with some delusion of grandeur and put all of you at risk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why did you think you could do it alone?  You.  A Padawan.  Just because you had some revelations in a garden doesn’t mean you are all powerful.  What had you been thinking?  Well, you knew what you had been thinking.  You had gotten too comfortable with your abilities.  You wanted to take revenge on Dooku for taking your friend and making your Master suffer.  You were finally feeling confident and powerful as a Jedi and you took it too far.  Dooku was right.  You had overestimated yourself.  And you weren’t powerful enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your head hung low.  Your hair fell in front of you and covered your face.  Your shoulders sagged and your hands were limp by your ankles, chained to the floor.  You weren’t even trying to think of ways to escape.  You deserved to be chained in a cage.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You didn’t know how long you had been there.  It couldn’t have been more than a day.  You had lost consciousness but you didn’t think it had been for very long.  You’d be hungry if you’d have been out for days.  You might have been out long enough for them to put you in here though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A droid had come in, trying to get you to talk about Republic and Jedi secrets, but you kept your mouth shut.  It only opened when they tried to torture any information out of you.  It opened involuntarily as cries ripped through your throat.  You deserve the pain.  You deserve the torture.  You had let everyone down.  This was your punishment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the back of your mind you wished no one would come looking for you.  You didn’t deserve to be a Jedi anymore.  You betrayed them with your thoughts and actions.  And even though you had broken the rules before, even though you had disobeyed orders with your Master before, never had you broken the rules this much or disobeyed orders so explicitly.  There had always been grey areas before, there had always been something to fall back on.  Everything that transpired was due to your own weakness, your own delusions, and your own feelings that you had sworn to yourself that you’d be able to control.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You heard the distant sound of blaster fire and the unmistakable sound of a lightsaber blocking them.  You couldn’t help but count three different lightsabers.  They must be coming to rescue you.  Dread then filled your body and your head hung even lower.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of the door opening made a single tear slip down your cheek and a familiar voice echoed off the walls of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Skywalker, I found her.  She’s in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Send me your coordinates Master Windu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Transmitting now.” you heard a beep and then your name.  “What have they done to you?” he asked worriedly.  You couldn’t look up.  You couldn’t face him.  You were having a hard enough time admitting to yourself your catastrophic failure.  How could you admit it to Master Windu of all people?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged on the chains and then brought his purple lightsaber towards you and freed you from all your bindings.  You didn’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Padawan.” he said.  Another tear down your cheek.  “Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You heard the quick sound of two sets of footsteps coming down the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is she?  Is she-” it was Anakin.  He whispered your name and ran over to you.  He got down on the ground and cupped your face in his hands.  He lifted your head to face him but you kept your eyes low, avoiding looking at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Skywalker, we need to go.” Windu said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin didn’t move.  He lifted his thumb and wiped another tear falling from your cheek.  Your lip quivered.  This was all your fault.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin,” Obi-Wan insisted.  “It’s time to leave.” You were relieved to hear his voice.  He sounded okay.  No thanks to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin moved then.  He put his shoulder under your armpit and lifted you up so you were standing.  You grunted as the lingering pain from being shot by lightning was still leaving your system as you moved your body for the first time in a while.  Anakin’s arm around your waist tightened as the four of you moved through the maze of the Geonosian castle and towards the exit.  You’d occasionally whimper in pain from the burns you were beginning to notice all over your stomach.  You hunched over as the friction from your clothing rubbed against the fragile skin and hurt you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin held you closer to his body as you moved.  You could even feel him using the Force to help carry you so there wasn’t so much weight supported by just your arm.  You knew he was strong enough to carry you just himself, he only used the Force to help lessen your pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re close.” Mace Windu said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As you moved closer and closer towards the exit you couldn’t help but mourn the loss of your saber.  You knew it wasn’t uncommon for Jedi to lose or have their lightsabers destroyed in conflict, so it wasn’t a big deal to have another one made, but you had never lost a lightsaber before.  You hadn’t realized you had become sentimental about it.  You couldn’t help but think of all the times it had saved your life and how fond you’d become of its shape and its color.  Of course an identical one can be made as they have the molds in the archives once a Padawan has created their own design for this very reason, but you worried that something could be off.  The smallest detail could be wrong and then it would never be the same and you would be constantly reminded of your mistakes.  You had become attached-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You stopped mid thought.  Your froze and your head lifted at the realization of your feelings.  You stiffened in Anakin’s arms causing him to stop as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tears welled in your eyes as a sobbed racked through your chest and you fought not to make any sound.  You thought you were good.  You thought you were close to becoming a Jedi Knight and all it took was a single mission to make you realize how much you had failed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong, Padawan?” Windu asked.  They had all noticed you’d stopped and were staring at you.  You still couldn’t make eye contact so you took a breath and let your head fall again, giving way so Anakin could continue dragging your body towards the exit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You are even more of a failure than you thought.  In hours you had allowed anger and vengeance and attachment to completely ruin you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re scaring me.” Anakin whispered in your ear.  You didn’t respond.  You couldn’t.  Everything was your fault.  You had failed in more ways than one and in such important ways.  How could you have done this?  How did you let this happen?  Think.  Think back to when this began.  Why had you been angry?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin was gently rubbing your side with his thumb as you continued to move.  It was subtle, gentle, you hadn’t realized he had been doing that the whole time he was holding you.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You couldn’t blame it on him.  It was your fault you had succumbed to him.  You should have been stronger.  You should have resisted him.  Had you been stronger you would never have gone to his room that night then woken up in his bed that morning.  You would never have seen him so upset and you wouldn’t be as close to him as you are now.  None of this would have happened. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Such a downer I know.  Let me know what you guys think as always and if there is anything you'd like to see more of in this story.  I'm all ears.  I hope you enjoyed this one even though it's a bit of a bummer.  I also hope you are all happy, healthy and safe.  Much love xxxx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Clarity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Turns out it’s easier to be mad at Anakin than it is to be for him.  </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!  Sorry this took so long to get out but school has been out of control for me.  Nevertheless, I wanted to make the wait worth it so this chapter is very long and hopefully good.  Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were still trembling in Anakin’s arms as they brought you to the ship just outside the castle’s entrance.  Even though your skin was on fire, your teeth clattered and you felt frigid on the inside.  You knew if you asked for a blanket or something to warm you it would only sizzle your skin and make you more uncomfortable; so you just settled for silently freezing to death.  </p><p>It felt like you had a sunburn, something you would often get working so long outside back in your days as a slave.  You’d come into the hut as the sun was setting and your skin would seemingly heat up the entirety of the small space.  Because of this, you’d wear little to nothing and set wet cloths over your skin to help absorb some of the heat and make the night more bearable and less irritating for your skin.  Of course, because of all this, you and your body would be chilled to the bone, you insides feeling like ice, with blue lips and clattering teeth while your skin oozed cinder and molten heat.  </p><p>Right now, you were certain your lips were more cool toned than normal and you couldn’t for the life of you control the clattering of your teeth.  And even though Anakin hadn’t left your side and his body heat was torturing your crispy skin, you welcomed his comfort and his warmth even if you thought you didn’t deserve it.  Oh you poor, poor thing.</p><p>You fought back tears as every thought that came into your head was being ridiculed by your own brain.  Every self-deprecating line about yourself you could think of got criticized by another part of you.  All your self-hate was being construed as self-pitying as you turned into nothing but a shivering ball of negativity.  You couldn’t do anything right.</p><p>The sound of a lightsaber igniting brought your attention away from your own self as you turned to see Mace Windu deflecting blasts coming from around the right side of the castle.</p><p>“Get her on board.” he instructed Anakin.  </p><p>You were then moving again, being quickly brought up the ramp and onto the ship.  You felt so useless.  You felt like such a burden.  Again, had you not lost your head none of this would have happened.  You would have already been somewhere else with Obi-Wan safely back where he belonged.  Now, they were risking their lives to break <em> you </em> out and protect you, all because you thought you could take on Count Dooku alone.</p><p>“Stay here.” Anakin told you as he helped you settle into a seat.  Just as he was going to run out to help Master Windu and Obi-Wan, the two men ran up and into the ship.</p><p>“Let’s get out of here.” Master Kenobi said.  Anakin nodded quickly and moved towards the pilot’s seat and the ship began to hum with life as he flipped switches and turned dials.  Mace Windu got in the co-pilot’s seat as Obi-Wan stood behind Anakin and watched him take off.</p><p>Once you were safely in the atmosphere you heard Obi-Wan’s hushed voice.</p><p>“Oh for Forcesake Anakin, go back there. You’re going to crash the ship if you keep looking back there.”  You looked up to see Anakin was heading towards you while Obi-Wan took over piloting the ship.</p><p>He sat next to you and wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly against his body once more.  You were able to breathe a little deeper now that he was next to you.</p><p>Anakin continued to hold you as Obi-Wan flew the ship to the Republic cruiser that was orbiting the planet.  Master Windu turned back to look at you.</p><p>“What happened to you?” he asked.  He didn’t sound concerned, he just sounded like he wanted to know now.  It was as if he already knew you did something wrong.  </p><p>You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t.  You kept your eyes fixed on the floor and tried your hardest to keep them in focus as you repressed everything you were feeling so as not to give anything away.  </p><p>“Padawan, you must tell us.” he said.</p><p>“Enough, alright.” Anakin snapped.  “She doesn’t want to talk about it right now, let’s give her some space.”  There was a tense moment of silence as the two men looked at each other, both of them challenging one another.</p><p>“Yes, let’s.” Master Windu sneered.  Both men had been talking about a different type of space, but while Mace Windu backed down and turned to face the front in his seat, Anakin didn’t move.  He kept his arms firmly wrapped around you, if not tighter than before.  You simply allowed Anakin to hold you tightly in his arms, as tightly as he needed to.</p><p>“Let us not worry.  She will speak when she is ready.” Obi-Wan said.</p><p>“Jedi aren’t supposed to harness trauma.  It can lead to-”</p><p>“I very much know what it can lead to.  But we don’t know what happened and she still is quite young.”</p><p>The two men piloting the ship were having a hushed conversation but you could hear every word.  The implication of Master Windu’s point caused a pang of even more guilt and worry in your heart.  Your head hung even lower.  How could you have let this happen?</p><p>“Hey.” Anakin whispered in your ear.  “Whatever happened, you're safe now.  You’re with me.  You know I’ll protect you.  I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again.  I promise.”  Anakin’s words and his declarations only made tears stream steadily down your cheeks.  You leaned into him further, taking him as your only source of comfort and felt as his hand came up and gently stroked your hair.  </p><p>You had known your Master for years.  You had seen sides of him that no one else has seen and spent more time with him, besides Master Kenobi, than anyone else.  Never had you experienced this gentle side of him before.  You hadn’t even known your Master could be so delicate.  His fighting style, his energy, his everything was intense and powerful.  Even his teaching, while encouraging, was extreme.  You had never known the man to be so tender in such a careful way.  The lightness in his strokes made your anxiety stop momentarily as you melted beneath his regard for you.</p><p>You ignored the fact that you gave way into his embrace; you didn’t think about what Master Kenobi or Windu would think should they turn their heads and see the way he had mollified you.  Right now, he was your savior.  He was it.  That was all he was.  And as wrong as that is in the Jedi Order, to you, as a living breathing person with feelings and emotions, that comfort, that sense of loving care was what you needed more than anything.  It made you feel alive.</p><p>It was becoming harder and harder to discern nowadays when the human you ended and the Jedi you began.  And you began to wonder which one you would rather be.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>The second you landed in the hangar of the cruiser, the entire blockade went into hyperspace and escaped.  </p><p>The hatch of your smaller ship then opened slowly, revealing the bright lights of the cruiser’s hangar and two medical droids on standby.  Anakin helped you up and out of the ship and stayed with you all the way to the medical bay.  You avoided eye contact with everyone you encountered on the way there. Despite the sympathetic looks you knew you were getting, you just couldn’t bring yourself to look up.  You were a Commander to these men.  You are technically their superior, and yet you feel far beneath everyone.  </p><p>Once you got to the medical bay, Anakin only left, at the droid’s request and with much coercion, so they could assess your injuries.</p><p>You walked in, quite nervous, to the stark white room.  It was jarring really.  After being on such a warm and colorful planet for so long and then being thrust right back into the middle of the war, it was as if you had been living another life on Naboo, one you longed to return to. </p><p>There was a bed built into the wall, just under the viewport.  It allowed you to see the beauty of hyperspace as you zoomed through the galaxy to who knows where.  There was a large bacta tank in the corner of the room along with bins and crates of medical supplies scattered throughout.  Otherwise, the room was overly clean and tidy.  And while you were glad that it might mean the droids had time to clean it through disuse, it’s lack of imperfections only put you further on edge.</p><p>The room smelled sterile in an unnerving kind of way.  After what had happened you had never felt so emotionally vulnerable and now you were beginning to feel quite physically vulnerable as well in such an uncomfortable space.  You wondered what the droids would have to do to your burnt skin and wondered how painful it would be.  Hopefully though, the worst of the pain had occurred while acquiring the injuries and all that should be left now is the itchy tingles that come with healing.</p><p>The droids led you to a chair in the middle of the room and motioned for you to sit in it.  You did so reluctantly while keeping your eyes on the artificial intelligence so they couldn’t surprise you with anything.  </p><p>Your lack of connection to the Force was dizzying and made you feel disoriented.  Your eyes were having trouble focusing fully on your surroundings and it took a greater effort to listen to the droids and to pay attention to what was going on in the world around you.  With your inner monologue screaming as loud as it was mixed with the vociferous beating of your heart in your ears, you had to fight to keep yourself grounded in the moment.  It was as if you were having trouble staying in your own body.</p><p>“And what caused the damage?” one of the droid’s asked you as it carefully lifted your robes to reveal your blistering stomach.  You cringed and seethed as the cloth stuck to your skin like a bandaid.</p><p>“Lightning.” you said with a croaky voice.  Luckily it is only a droid and incapable of judgement.</p><p>It continued to separate your clothes from your skin as the other droid slowly moved around the room and gathered supplies on a tray.  You swallowed hard as you watched the second droid put a large syringe on the tray, and next to it a small bag of a crystal clear liquid.  The liquid looked somehow thinner than water and its texture filled you with unease.  You could only imagine the icy heat of it coursing through your veins and making you relive a watered down version of what caused your injuries in the first place.</p><p>Once your shirts were off, leaving you in only your breast bindings, the droids moved closer to your stomach and analyzed your skin.  You heard a gentle whirring sound coming from it’s head as it surveyed you.  Once it seemed satisfied it’s head shifted towards your right bicep and it was only then that you realized there was a burn there too, wrapping around the entirety of your bicep in a ring that looked purposeful.</p><p>“Second degree burns.” the first droid concluded.  “We will administer fluids and antibiotics.  It should heal on its own with little to no scarring.” you couldn’t help by being slightly surprised.  That was it?  That didn’t sound so bad.  Why did you feel so out of it then?  Why did you feel worse than the droid had said?  Was it sure there was no brain damage you could blame all this on?  “However by looking at your vitals it seems you are suffering from extreme bouts of anxiety and need to be on bed rest until further notice.”  Oh.</p><p>The droid helped you up from the chair and into the bed by the viewport.  You were thankful it helped you because without the strength of Anakin holding you up you felt wobbly and unbalanced.  It felt like you were about to topple over.</p><p>Once you were settled, it attached small pads at random points over your chest that were hooked up to some machine that shone a bright blue holographic screen with numbers and words you couldn’t make any sense from.  The second droid then came over and set up an IV drip using that clear liquid you had noticed earlier.  Luckily, it didn’t sting like you thought it would.  Apparently it was only saline.  </p><p>In minutes you began to feel more relaxed as your most likely dehydrated body was being replenished with fluids.  You could see better and your hearing was less muddied.  However after sitting there calmly for a minute and watching the bag attached to your arm drip drip drip down the tube and into your body, your heart rate began to increase once more.</p><p>You were again thinking about the consequences of your failure and you felt sick to your stomach as waves of immense guilt tormented you and ate at your very core.  You would have preferred to be hit with lighting again than to have to continue going through this agony.</p><p>The monitor that the droid had attached to your chest began beeping and the first droid came over to you.  Without warning its claw for a hand protruded a needle and poked you in your bicep, right above your burn.  A sudden, synthetic wave of calm ran through you and you figured the droid had shot you with a mild tranquilizer of some sort to keep your heart rate down.  It didn’t go back to milling about the room though, instead it stayed there looking at you.</p><p>“Is there something I need to do?” you asked it timidly.  </p><p>“You have internal stressors.  You must stay calm if your body is to heal.” it said.  You gave the droid a weak smile.</p><p>“I’ll try.”  Satisfied, it’s needled claw retreated back into itself as the droid left the room.</p><p>The second droid then came over, holding that large syringe, and without warning stabbed you with it and you winced at the sting of whatever it was injecting into you.</p><p>“These antibiotics should prevent an infection.” it spoke.  You looked down at your arm as the droid carefully removed the large needle from your arm and a tiny drop of blood spilled out from your skin. </p><p>You felt a flush of sweat cover your body and found it more difficult to breathe.  You looked up at the droid who seemed to be saying something as it was moving and reaching out for you but you couldn’t hear anything.  In fact, you were beginning to lose your eyesight too.  The world was darkening around the edges and fading to black as a cold sweat swept through your body.  The feeling of a cool cloth covering your forehead was the last thing you remembered.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Your heart was racing as you ran inside your hut to find your mother stirring some stew.  With a broken shovel in your hands you fought back from sobbing and drawing more attention to the situation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Momma,” you said pitifully, watching her turn around and her eyes going wide at the handle of the shovel in one of your small hands and the base of it in the other.  You both knew what it meant. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The week prior one of the older slaves had broken a shovel and the master had whipped him so hard he still couldn’t walk straight.  And as a small 9 year old girl, you worried how you would fare against such brutality.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Your mother abandoned the stew and came over to you, crouching down to be on your level.  She wrapped you in her arms swiftly and pressed your head against her chest.  She stroked your hair and shushed you in an effort to calm you down. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s okay angel.  Nothing will happen to you, okay?  I’ll protect you; everything is going to be okay.  I’ll take care of it, don’t you worry my darling.” her voice was as smooth as silk as she easily soothed you.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You sniffled and nodded your head against her chest and she pulled away from you.  She took the broken shovel pieces from your hands and headed towards the entrance.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll be right back.” she told you.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, Momma.” you said and watched her walk out the door.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You walked over to the stew as you heard it bubbling loudly and more and more steam began to rise from the pot.  You began to stir it like your mother had been doing, soothing down the violent bubbles.  You could really smell it now that you were closer to it and it made your tummy begin to rumble with hunger.  You hoped your mother would be home soon so you could finally eat.  You didn’t know how much longer you’d be able to wait.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She came back maybe ten minutes later.  She walked in, kissed you on the head and led you to your spot at the tiny table near the kitchen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She was silent as she served you a bowl as you sat at the table.  Your feet swung happily below you as you shoveled spoonful after yummy spoonful into your mouth.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She ate standing up. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> **** </em>
</p><p> </p><p>You woke up shivering.  Despite feeling a blanket on your body, you could not stop the violent shaking of your muscles.  You were still too weak to open your eyes so all you could think to do was turn over and curl in on yourself in an attempt to gain more heat.  In doing so you were really able to feel how weak you were.  You could barely lift your arms to pull the blanket further up your body. </p><p>You felt a hand touch your shoulder and then disappear after a moment.  Seconds later a much heavier blanket was laid over you and you curled further in on yourself to heat up under its weight quicker.  </p><p>Eventually your shivering stopped and your muscles could relax.  It was only then that you could really feel the pain of the burns on your stomach and the arm you were laying on as it rubbed against the sheets.  But again, you were too weak to care.  You didn’t even feel like you were in your own body anymore. </p><p>Your eyes stayed shut as you tried to think of nothing and fell back asleep with little effort.</p><p> </p><p>****</p><p> </p><p>You didn’t know how long you had been asleep but it must have been quite a while because your mouth was dry and tasted gross as you came to and your body felt slightly better but still very weak.  </p><p>You stretched in an effort to wake yourself up and looked over at the tray next to your bed to see a glass of water and a glass of juice.  You grabbed the glass of water and chugged it quickly, spilling some down your chin and onto the thin wrappings still covering your breasts.  You shivered and pulled the blankets further up your body and then grabbed the cup of juice and decided to drink it slower.  You took one sip and let it sit in your mouth, riding it of the flavor of sleep.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” you jumped at the sound of a voice, thinking you had been alone this entire time.  You looked up to see Anakin with swollen, tired eyes.  He had a red mark on his right cheek and his hair looked tangled and greasy.  He was still the most attractive man you’d ever seen but he looked like he had missed a few nights of sleep.  </p><p>“Okay.” you said timidly, watching as he got up and walked over to you.  You scooted over so he had room to sit on the edge of your bed.</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re okay.  You had me so worried.” he spoke, looking down and pulling at the fabric of the big blanket.</p><p>“Sorry.” was all you could muster.  You looked down at your juice and took another sip.  You could literally feel the life being restored in you as you were finally getting some calories.  You wondered how long you had been sleeping and worried that it could have been days.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.  As foggy memories came back, along with the intense waves of guilt, tears stung your eyes and you looked down.</p><p>How could you talk about it with him.  He had been counting on you to help and locate his best friend.  You were lucky that he had somehow found Obi-Wan because otherwise you would probably still be a prisoner being tortured next to the man who you were supposed to have rescued.  </p><p>You just couldn’t bring yourself to admit to Anakin your mistakes yet.  You didn’t want to let him down or be upset with you, even though he had every reason to be.  You were beating yourself up enough over it that you really couldn’t handle someone else berating you.  </p><p>Shaking your head no, you responded to Ankin’s question.  </p><p>“Okay,” he said.  “Are you hungry?” he asked.  You shook your head yes.  “Okay, I can have them bring you something.” he stood up.  You grabbed his hand before he could leave and braved looking him in the eyes.</p><p>“Thank you.” your voice broke into a whisper.  He simply nodded his head at you and went to leave again but you kept your grip tight on his hand, tighter than you thought you had in you.</p><p>“Anakin?”</p><p>“Yes?” he responded hopefully.</p><p>“Do you think you could bring Obi-Wan in here?” you asked.  His face fell but he still nodded.</p><p>“I’ll get him right now.”</p><p>“Thank you.” you said again and let go of his hand.  He closed the door carefully behind him and you turned to face forward once you were alone.  You noticed that the chair in the corner of the room looked rumpled and lived in.  There was a pillow on one of the arms of the chair and a blanket draped over the back.  Anakin must have been staying with you this whole time.  You didn’t know how long that was but the realization caused a sour pang of guilt in your heart.</p><p>Even after all the wrongs you had committed he still saw you worthy to protect.  Granted he didn’t know what those wrongs were and you worried that once he knew he would drop you as his Padawan altogether, but nonetheless, just like you had accepted his comfort on the ship coming here, you were going to do it again.  Even if it made you feel just as guilty that he was worrying about you for no reason, you figured you should take whatever time you had left with him at this point considering you may not be involved in the Jedi Order for much longer.  </p><p>Once word of what you had done gets out there is no way that they would allow you to stay on and continue learning.  Accidentally Force throwing an object into your Master’s arm was one thing, but allowing vengeance to consume and cloud your judgements was another thing entirely.  Not to mention the fact that you deliberately disobeyed orders.... but there is no need to continue to rehash all that you have done.  You’ve been thinking about it enough as it is.</p><p>In trying to move on and do what the medical droid had told you to do, which was to deal with your internal stressors, you needed to apologize to Obi-Wan.  You needed to come clean to at least one person and you felt that he was the right one to do so with.  Not only did you trust him, but you also felt that he of all people deserved to know what happened and an apology for it as well.  He was the one that you had directly endangered with your actions and that’s what was making you feel the most guilty.  In an effort to clear your conscience and hopefully start to move on, you had to talk to him.</p><p>You heard two gentle knocks on the door and then it opened.  You turned your head to see Obi-Wan giving you a sympathetic smile and walking over to you.</p><p>“Hello there.” he greeted quietly in a paternal kind of way.</p><p>“Hi.” you said back softly.</p><p>“You wanted to see me?” he asked, grabbing a chair and pulling it close to your bed so he could sit down.  </p><p>Your heart rate dramatically increased and you rubbed your palms on the rough fabric of the thick blanket covering you as they began to perspire.  The machine you were hooked up to began to beep loudly and one of the medical droids burst through the door.</p><p>“I’m fine!” you stopped it quickly from approaching you, raising your hands to keep it from coming closer.  It backed away slowly and eventually left the room and you heaved out a sigh.  </p><p>“I uh, I wanted to apologize.” you said, swallowing hard and looking up at him through your lashes.</p><p>“Apologize?”</p><p>“Yes, for putting you in danger.” you said in barely a whisper.</p><p>“Putting me in danger?  You aren’t making any sense.” he said.  You swallowed hard and took in a deep breath, stalling so you could prepare the courage to come clean.</p><p>“After we got word that you had been captured, Anakin was… really upset.”</p><p>“I would imagine.” he said with a smirk.</p><p>“And I was upset that he was upset, so, without thinking at all in the slightest really,” you took another deep breath.  He gave you a questioning look.  “I faced Dooku alone and he shot me with lightning.” you finally told him.</p><p>“You faced Dooku alone?” he said with a rising anger in his voice.  “Don’t you know how dangerous that is?”</p><p>“I do!  I didn’t at the time because I was so blind on getting reven-” you cut yourself off and he looked at you horrified.  </p><p>“Revenge?”</p><p>“The point is I’m sorry that <em> my </em> mistakes put your life in danger.” you interrupted him.  “I know what I did was so beyond wrong, I feel absolutely sick about it and I deserve any and all consequences that the Counsel sees fit.  I just had to make sure that <em> you </em> knew I was sorry and that hurting you is what I regret most of all.” you looked down again, trying to keep the tears from fully forming as your eyes glassed over.  Despite still feeling awful and regretting so much of what happened, that sick guilty feeling in your stomach was starting to lessen its intensity with your apology.</p><p>Obi-Wan sighed and leaned over and grabbed your hand in his.</p><p>“As much as it pains me to hear what you did, I am just glad you’re okay.” he said finally.  “And don’t be too hard on yourself.  We all make mistakes but when you don’t learn from them is when they become failures.  I mean, how do you think I got to be a Master?” he asked.  You looked up at him.</p><p>“Because you’re wise and strong with the Force.” you answered. </p><p>“And how do you think I got to be that way?  I’m not proud of them but I’ve made my fair share of mistakes too.  And they weren’t simple ones either they were big and very wrong.  But it’s all a learning process.  The fact that you feel so guilty you’ve made yourself sick shows the kind of person you are.” he said.  </p><p>“You made big mistakes?” you asked.</p><p>“Oh yes.  I’m not proud of it, but for the longest time I had been jealous of Anakin for being so powerful even though I was his Master and I thought I was supposed to be the more powerful one.  It took a long time to understand this myself, but I finally realized that power in the Force does not necessarily mean strength.  You could be the strongest person in the Galaxy but if you don’t know how to throw a punch then what good do those muscles serve you?  The fact of the matter is, talent without training is nothing, and I had to realize that I was there to train and teach and that it wasn’t about me versus him, it was about us versus evil.  I had to think outwardly and about the greater good of the Galaxy and what having such a powerful <em> and </em> knowledgeable Jedi could provide.  And you know, after that trial is when the Counsel granted me the rank of Master.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Yes, sometimes it takes us making mistakes for us to actually learn something and to grow.”</p><p>“Do you think Anakin is jealous of me?” you gently joked.  He chuckled lightly.</p><p>“I’m sure he’s had his moments.  You have such a good heart and you are so smart beyond your years, and not to mention that fact that you too are powerful.  I bet you could teach <em> him </em> a thing or two.” he joked.  You broke into a smile and looked down.  “Oh!  And I almost forgot.” he reached behind him and pulled out your lightsaber.  And this wasn’t a replica either, it was <em> your </em> lightsaber.  </p><p>Your jaw dropped as you looked at it and reached out to take it from him.</p><p>“Found this in some control room.  It’s how we knew you were in trouble and not just still looking for me, well that and Anakin was freaking out.” he said with a chuckle.</p><p>You ran your fingers over the fully black hilt, something that you had dreamed of having the second you knew what a lightsaber was and that you’d get one one day.  The shaft of it was shaped more like an hourglass so it was easier for your small hands to have a better grip on.  The material was textured as well to enforce that strong grip.  The bottom was squared off so it could stand up straight if you wanted it too and to avoid it from rolling.  Towards the top of the hilt were four rings of increasing sizes to add dimension and to stop your hand from going too close to the dangerous part of the weapon.  The ignition switch was a small white button in the center towards where your thumb would naturally rest.  It was a hard button to press, hence why lightsabers were the weapon of the Jedi because you use the Force to not only help wield it, but to turn it on and off.  It was still however not impossible to physically ignite.</p><p>You set your weapon on the small table beside you and fought the urge to cry.  Interrupting your emotions though, the door opened and in walked Anakin with a tray of food.  He stopped in his tracks once he saw the two of you were looking at him.</p><p>“Did I interrupt something?” he asked.  You smiled and looked down, feeling better already.  It was also nice to see him now that your head was a little clearer after your talk with Obi-Wan.  You managed to feel not totally worthless.  Now, his clueless face was almost enough to make you laugh.</p><p>“No you’re fine.” Obi-Wan said standing up.  “I should get going.  Shall I talk to the Counsel or would you like to?” he asked you.</p><p>“I think it should come from me.” you responded.  He smiled proudly at you.</p><p>“Rest easy, young one.” he said.  He turned to Anakin then as he was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.  “Is all that for you?” Obi-Wan asked him, referring to the tray of an enormous selection of food in his hands.  “I mean I know you have a big appetite but even this seems a bit extreme.”</p><p>“No actually,” he said, raising his eyebrows in a matter of fact kind of way.  “This is for my Padawan.” Anakin said like he’d proved him wrong on something much bigger.  Obi-Wan turned to look back at you, amused, then looked back at Anakin.</p><p>“Mmmm yes, because that makes more sense.” he joked.  You exhaled out a laugh and Obi-Wan left the room.</p><p>“Anyways,” Anakin said, walking over to you and setting the tray on your bed.  “You seem to be feeling better?” he asked hopefully.  You gave him a soft smile and nodded.</p><p>“I am.” you looked down at the food and your mouth began to water.  You were hopeful that you even had an appetite.  You wanted to start slowly though and grabbed a bowl full of different fruits to begin fueling your body. </p><p>A moment of awkward silence passed as the only sound in the room was the sound of your chewing and the gentle whir of the machine attached to you still.</p><p>“I was really worried about you, you know.” he said.  You looked up at him, still chewing.  He sighed.  “Once I found and released Obi-Wan I could sense that you were in danger.  We went looking everywhere for you and all we found was your saber.  Obi-Wan called for backup and that’s when Windu showed up.  That castle was a maze and he was more familiar with it than we were so it didn’t take him long to find you once he got there.” he stopped and looked down, pulling at the glove on his robotic hand.  “I have never seen you like that before,” he admitted.  “It really scared me.”</p><p>You looked up at him and noticed again how tired he looked.  You then realized that you were not the only one suffering here.  Maybe coming clean to one more person can help.</p><p>You set your bowl of fruit aside and sat up, making sure to keep the blanket close to your body.</p><p>“Anakin, I’m sorry.” you said.</p><p>“Sorry?  Why are you apologizing to me?” the heart monitor began to beep steadily again.  He looked at it confused and then looked back at you.</p><p>“I disobeyed orders.” you said.  </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I found Dooku and fought him.  I lost, clearly.  He shot me with lightning and-</p><p>“Lightning!  Are you kidding me?  You took on Dooku alone and he shot you with lightning!” this was going a bit differently that you had anticipated.</p><p>“Yes but I’m fine-”</p><p>“Fine?  You took on Dooku alone and you think you’re fine?!”</p><p>“Hey!” you cut him off, getting angry now.  “Things may not have gone according to plan but I’m here now.” you said sounding slightly offended. </p><p>“Yeah, thanks to me.” he said snarkily.  You looked at him with repulsion.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That’s what you’re thinking about?  The fact that you were the hero and saved the day?”</p><p>“Well what am I supposed to be thinking about?” he said.  </p><p>“Oh I don’t know, maybe about the fact that this was your fault?”</p><p>“My fault?”</p><p>“Yeah!  If you hadn’t been so upset about Obi-Wan then maybe I wouldn’t have worried so much about you.  Ugh!  You make me crazy!” you yelled in frustration.</p><p>“Sounds familiar!” he spat.  </p><p>You crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back in a huff.  </p><p>You were angry.  So beyond angry.  You were even more upset about this than you had been at the castle hunting down Count Dooku.  Turns out it’s easier to be mad at Anakin than it is to be for him.  </p><p>You could sense his anger too, which you assumed was a good thing, your connection the Force was coming back.  It is just unfortunate that it is coming back in these circumstances.  You hoped this wasn’t the Dark Side that you were falling to.  If only you could be transported back to Naboo where there was nothing but peace and balance and light.</p><p>But how could he make this about him?  You were capable.  You were strong.  You were still working on that wise part that Obi-Wan was talking about, but this was your first big mistake and you were determined to learn from it and not let it become a failure.  You had to overcome this and see the bigger picture.  </p><p>What knowledge is there to gain from this situation?  Don’t sleep with your Master?  That seemed like a given but considering that was no longer a plausible option there had to be something else.  What were you supposed to learn from all this?  What was the lesson?</p><p>You could sense his anger fading now and you looked up to meet his eyes except he wasn’t looking at you.  Your brows furrowed in confusion at the strangely pained look on his face and followed his eyeline to see where he was looking.</p><p>He was looking at your arm.  The skin wrapped around your bicep was an angry bright red that looked like it should be incredibly painful.  You couldn’t feel much and you wondered if it was because of the adrenaline from the anger you had been feeling or if the saline being pumped into your system also had a dose of painkiller.</p><p>Then, you understood.  He was worried about you, just like you had been worried about him.  This wasn’t really about what had happened, it was about the fact that you were hurting.  Of course you had been worried about Obi-Wan upon hearing the news that he had been captured, but you had been more concerned about Anakin and how he was handling it than the actual situation.  You were in the medical bay, receiving treatment, but not for the severity of your burns, you had survived worse injuries.  You were here because of what you had done to yourself by overthinking and worrying.  You had to put your faith back in the Force and reaffirm your devotion to it, to the balance.</p><p>You knew exactly how he felt and exactly what he needed.  This wasn’t about you anymore, this was about him.</p><p>You reached over and grabbed his hand and held it in yours.  He looked at you with surprise and you gave him a soft smile.  Then, the world dolly zoomed back into focus and it felt like you had just been put back in your body as if this whole time you had been slightly misaligned from yourself.  </p><p>Everything was brought back into balance as you looked down at your hands caressing and comforting each other.  Perhaps this could be okay after all.  It was simply just another thing to figure out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wowie!  I would like to say that I think that this chapter is the best I have ever written, and not just for this story but out of everything I've done.  I put so so much work into it and I hope/think it shows.<br/>Also, as a random side note, I've created an Instagram profile under the name obsessions_123 so if you guys want to talk to me there and request one shots for yourselves or something you can do with that what you please.  And if you have suggestions on what you want to see on there like how I imagine her lightsaber to look or things that inspired me to write a certain scene or something, then let me know that too.  Don't feel obligated to follow it I just wanted to be able to have a closer connection to you guys and give you more content if that's what you want.<br/>Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this one and as always, let me know what you thought!  I hope you are all happy, healthy and safe.  Much love xxxx</p>
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